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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Feel down

7 replies

Babymay · 01/05/2012 00:29

Dont know whats wrong with me. Feel quite down at the moment. Trying to be strong but DH keeps having a go at me and twisting everything I say to make out I'm argueing with him when I mearly make a comment about something.
He's not affectinate at all and there is no romance between us at all and I'm the sort of person who needs affection and love. His answer is " I help you with the housework dont I?"
I just need to talk. Would love to talk to him, but he just doesn't understand me at all. I cant seem to say anything right.
Am 7 months pregnant at the moment and also lost my dad few months ago. I know its probably all got to do with feeling like this, but I wish I could just be happy.

OP posts:
tallwivglasses · 01/05/2012 00:36

Oh that sounds horrible Babymay Sad

Is this your first baby with DH? When did things start to change - or have there always been problems?

sternface · 01/05/2012 01:13

One of your obvious problems if that your husband regards his input to housework as 'helping' you with it, as though it is your responsibility. It is not. It's a shared responsibility.

How long's this been going on? If he appears to have changed, could he be having an affair? Unfortunately it's a common occurrence in soon-to-be fathers.

bearbehavinbadly · 01/05/2012 09:57

is it just the lack of him not paying attention, to what your saying? men are pretty shit at this, sometimes a hug or a bit of understanding is all we need to make things better.

Original poster
Babymay · 01/05/2012 22:07

It is the lack of him not listening and paying attention. He is generally a very cutting and non emotional person. He doesn't need hugs or to talk about how he feels or just be free and open. He'll never compliment me or tell me how he feels about me or how happy he is with me. I'm just there as a flatmate almost or as a mother figure. We'll talk about mainly decisions we have to make as a family, but otherwise we don't have much in common. I've told how I feel lots of times but it makes no difference. I think it 's his personality. He'd never been in a relationship before me.
Things have always been like this. It's our second child I'm having. I wish I could change things.

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 01/05/2012 22:16

I don't understand why your first post asks what's wrong with you, when from what you say it's your D(?)H who has something wrong with him. It's rather hard to "just be happy" when the person who should be supporting you through pregnancy and bereavement is argumentative and unaffectionate.

bearbehavinbadly · 02/05/2012 08:27

i think if he cant understand you and your having a seconed child with him things can only get worse then you have to make the decision to leave.

it can be pretty lonesome being in a relationship and not having that support there, just because he has never been in a relationship before makes no difference it,s time for him to learn to be more understanding to your feelings
lifes too short to go on living this way you may start resenting him. it affects children in the long run too has there not getting the best out of there mum.
theres only 2 ways this can go he needs to be less selfish or you move on.

Original poster
Babymay · 02/05/2012 22:36

Thank you for you advice. I think you're right

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