Relationship gone wrong- not sure what to do...

[fairyfriend]

Right, I have namechanged for this as the person I?m talking about comes on here occasionally. I have been good friends with the same person for 15 years. Recently, though, we have had problems. I don?t want to go into too much detail, but let?s just say she has made some choices that I disagree with. I voiced my opinion on this a little too freely. I offended her. I have since apologised, and she has accepted. I could only apologise for upsetting her, though, as I stand by what I said.
Although she accepted my apology, and we haven?t exactly ?fallen out?, things are decidedly cool between us. We have gone from almost daily contact to not speaking for a couple of months. So I think I can assume we are no longer friends.
The problem is, although I still don?t agree with the things she is doing, I bloody miss her. We?re at a horrible kind of stale-mate. I don?t know what to do or say to make it better, or even if I can.
If I was in the wrong I would apologise. If she was in the wrong (and had been in some way horrible to me) I?d confront her. But it?s not as simple as that. We simply can?t agree on this issue and I don?t know how to move forward. I don?t even know how to broach it with her. I?m not even sure she wants to move forward.
I?m sorry to be so vague...but does anyone have any ideas? Or has anyone been through similar? I feel like losing a friend is as hard as losing a partner in some ways.

Anyone...??

It's hard to say without knowing what the issue is...

BUT it's obviously very important to her, and perhaps she sort of knows that your opinion has some validity, but nonetheless, it's not what she wants or needs right now. What she needs is someone who won't judge her, and who will love you unconditionally. It sounds like you can't do that, for whatever reason. That's tough for both of you.

Don't think I can say much more. Sounds tough all round. :(

you = HER

Its difficult to decide as you are pretty vague, but i understand you don't want to out yourself.

It depends how big this issue is that youare disagreeing over - if it over whether to feed children fruit shoots or not, then its not such a big deal but then if ou are not speaking over something as trivial it might just be that the friendship has fizzled.

Alternatively, if you have a disagreement over something more important - i dont know, say she choses partners you disapprove of, takes drugs then you are two different people and the friendship will fizzle.

I think its time to mive on really, sorry to say :(

Thank you both for replying. I understand that it's annoying when people are vague, but i don't want to be identified on here.

It is a bigger issue than fruitshoots, yes.

It's not that our friendship is conditional- i don't expect or want to control her in any way- but it is hard to accept what she is doing. It is because i love her that it matters, iyswim? What she's doing is bad for her. if she was a more casual friend, I could let it go.

That aside, I have now upset her anyway by voicing my opinion. i think she has ditched me for this, regardless of whether or not I can 'accept' her choices. If I could turn back time I'd keep my mouth shut. but i can't.

I think you just have to accept things, i would let her know that you are there for her if ever she needs a friend and leave it at that.

I think at this point you have to accept that your personalities are not suited to this friendship, and you probably feel a bit of grief for that. You can't help but judge/disapprove, she probably doesn't need that. If this thing is bad for her, she will eventually find out for herself.

It's hard being judged by your friends and the friends that will stick by you are those who just shake their head and hug you anyway and act as though everything is okay. Unless she is putting herself/children in physical danger, then people have to make their own mistakes.

Sorry for your loss of a friendship though - it's hard.

Is she having an affair? Whatever decision that she's made that you don't agree with... still try and be there for her. Fwiw, I think it's right that you were honest with her, that's what friends are for.

Serendipitous, it's not an affair exactly, but a very bad relationship choice.
I agree with you about friends being honest with each other- that's what I thought. But it's lonely with just my principles for company.

The thing is, it's now gone beyond the initial issue. I'd swallow my pride about that if I was given the chance. I would love the option to 'stick by her' as I should have done in the first place.

But I don't think she wants me to any more. [Sad]

I am also hurt by the way she has cut me out over this. I haven't done anything so awful that I deserve to be treated this badly. I'm very hurt.

You sound a very lovely friend. I think she may also need you in the future and from what you say you would be willing and able to be there when the fall0out happens (shit hits the fan with her relationship i mean).

can you just send her an email (not a text - something she can physically refer to) saying what you have said on here? It will do absolutely no harm. If she continues to blank you for now, well at least you have said that you value her friendship, miss her, are sorry if you hurt her and that you want to be there for her when and if she needs you. Then you have to leave it at that.

Always leave a door open if your friend is worth it.

You can choose to shut it again anytime later in life if needs be.

I agree with LimitedAppeal, you have been a good friend and chances are that in time she will also see that you spoke out of concern and not to be nasty. I also agree that you don't need to close the door on friendship, I would just leave things and perhaps you can pick up later on.

I do feel for you - sometimes you have to accept people warts & all, or be lonely.