Difficult situation - weekend away

[popsycal]

Myself, dp and ds are going away to some friends of ours for the weekend in a couple of weeks time. We all get on very well and, although they have no children of their own, they love DS and are brilliant with him.

We visited them earlier this year and had a great time. However, last time, I ended up getting very cross (not publically though, it has to be said) as when DS was in bed, they all (DP included) were smoking (not cigarettes). Don't get me wrong, I am very open minded about this kind of thing and it was mainly in the evening when DS was asleep with doors closed at the other end of the house; however, occasionally, it was during the day, although in another room to DS with the doors shut. I object to this when my son is around.

I want to broach the subject before we go as DS is now older and is well aware of things that are going on around him. I know that DP will get defensive and it is somewhat awkward when it is another person's house.

Any advice?
For the record, I am a regular mumsnetter with a different name.

or with the same name...that didnt work!!
oh well!

Not sure what to suggest, Could you perhaps ask th4em to not smoke during the day. Although it is in a different room to DS with the dor closed, one of them may forget to close it on their way in out and he could then get in.

Hmmm, usually I would be on your side, BUT, I think it is very difficult to lay down the law in someone else's house. As long as they are not smoking around him, then I think I would just bite my tongue - it's only a weekend, and I don't see the point in risking bad feeling for the sake of that.

If they do it when he is around, and maybe liable to walk in then that is different. How old is he? Is he likely to know the difference?

anais- i felt likeyou the last ime we went...he was only 9 months then..only just crawling
now 17 months...it is really tricky with it being someone else house, i agree

What is the main problem, popsycal, is it passive smoking or your ds seeing other people smoking? If it's passive smoking then I would have thought that if it was in another room with the dorrs shut it wouldn't be such a problem, assuming he's past the cot death age? How you deal with it depends on what the main issue is, I guess, not that I have any fab ideas, but you are clearly going to have to talk to them about it and explain what you want them to do. If it's their house, as it seems to be, I don't really see that you can ask much more than closed dorrs really, without a big falling-out.

I can spell doors, honest.

i am agreeing with all of you!!!!
i am just torn about it - i kno wthat with doors shut etc etc and with it being someone elses house etc etc then i cant say much
ds also has a really bad chest infection which is taking ages to shift...
am i just being daft!?
these things normally don;t bother me at all...
just feel overwhelmingly protective

Popsycal if it were me I wouldn't worry. But it isn't of course. I do think that if it is in another room and your ds isn't in there it shouldn't be a problem. Even if he did stray in he wouldn't know the difference! Hope you get it sorted out.

CD - you are right!
still feel funny about it though
i am sure that we will al have a lovely weekend.
thanks for your advice!!

Why don't you wait to see if it's actually a problem when you get there? It may be that they don't smoke until he's in bed or well out of the way. Then you won't have to broach the subject with dh before you go and you could tackle it if and when it happens.

you know - i am making it into a bigger issue than it actually is!
it is to be expected with dh's friends
ds will be fine and it won't be an issue...just thought i would get some comments about what was whirring around in my head at the moment

You sound as if you feel better already! Hope the weekend goes well.

Popsy, I know how you feel - I worry myself stupid about things like this too. I wasn't suggesting that you were being silly, just that you try not to worry.

don;t worry anais - i knew that you meant well!!!
i am torn between the two things....on the one hand i am very relaxed about this...but on the other THIS IS MY SON AND HOW DARE ANYONE DO ANYTHING THAT MIGHT HURT HIM
you all know what i mean!

ps wasnt shouting at you anais..just at IT

I know exactly what you mean. That's being a mum! I used to be very laid back before I had ds - I still am but if anyone even looks at him the wrong way I find my blood pressure going sky high. It's a whole new emotion to me and it takes some getting used to!