I've name changed for this, if you recognise me please dont out me. sorry this is really long and probably a bit rambling. But I'm honestly at a loss what to do next.
I'm separated from H. We've been having problems since last summer when he suddenly (or at least out of character for him) became very abusive to me. Horrible. anyway, we tried a brief reconciliation which didn't work, although he isn't abusive to me anymore. He sees the dcs on a sunday.
I have noticed that he gets disproprortionately cross with me and reacts totally over the top when I've done something that he perceives as wrong. Last week as an example, we went to watch the London marathon. dd wanted to stand on the opposite side of the road and we crossed, knowing that it would be more inconvenient as we wouldn't be able to get back and would have to walk further to get home. H reacted as though it was the most heinous thing in the world, said some absolutely horrible things to me and I ended up going back home in tears. I told him that this was unacceptable.
yesterday he had the children, he came in as I am heavily pregnant and was putting them to bed. dd aged 7 was very tired and flipped out when ds went into her bunk rather than his. H slapped her on the face (I was downstairs). She came down and told me - I saw the red mark. I made H leave. He was pretty unrepentent. Dd was absolutely inconsolable and ended up sleeping in my bed. the red mark stayed until I went to bed. this morning she was still upset, going on about it being her fault. it was awful. terrible.
anyway, I've told H that he can't see the dcs until he gets some help. H is in complete denial. he firstly said it was all my fault. I was letting the kids get away with murder. I wasn't doing their spellings with them. I'm a crap parent. then he said that she completely flipped (again my fault), and now he is denying that she was upset. He says that I am saying all of this to make myself feel better. that it isn't really that bad, and he isn't doing anything. That I'm overreacting, making it all up, it's making me feel better (for what? how?). I saw him this morning - dropping the car off - and he has taken up smoking, but otherwise has just gone into work as normal. He has no intention of getting any help. Doesn't seem to think that it is an issue to slap your daughter so hard that it leaves a red mark on her face.
It is so upsetting. She is so upset. I am so upset. but I really don't know what to do next. I am adamant he won't see the children again until he accepts this issue and does something about it. but he says I'm just doing this to get at him. I'm not. I can't see him hurt my babies like this. I just don't know what to do to stop him.