When does it start to get easier??

[KirstyWirsty]

Discovered the proof of my 'D'H's affair at New Year.. I'd suspected since April last year and he denied all ..

I have been doing well .. getting on with my life .. joined the gym and the running club .. Joined the brave babes on the bus and cut down on my drinking at home ..

Yesterday I suggested to my DD7 that we wash the car .. something to do on a sunny day and she loves messing around with water .. went to check that we had everything .. car wash sponges were missing (STBX has taken a few things from the house so assumed he had taken them as well) so we jumped in the car and picked up some groceries and new sponges .. went home filled the bucket and then went round to switch the hose on .. the hose was also missing!

Phoned my friend who lives 2 doors up and got her hose .. took it back to the house and then discovered that the bit for the tap that the hose fits on to is also missing!! ARRGGHH!!!

I felt totally frustrated and angry with the whole thing but it has completely knocked me for six!! I have been in tears on and off since yesterday and am currently sitting bubbling in my work.. :(

I know it is early days yet but I don't miss him at all and I have been quite happy recently

I find it hard to believe that I am going to have to have this tosser in my life for years to come ..

When does it get easier??

I guess not

It gets easier when it gets easier. Grief (which is what it is) can't be rushed and doesn't happen in a straight line. If you've lived together for a long time you'll be unearthing evidence of your ex around the place for quite some time to come, unfortunately. To start with it'll be inconvenient things like hose-pipe connectors (what kind of idiot takes a hose-pipe?) and an AAARGGH reaction releasing the pressure valves. Another day his photo will fall out of a book or something and you'll find you're less upset and more reflective. Go with the flow. Be kind to yourself. Have a duvet day when you need one. Good luck

no advice honey as I'm having similar up and down moments myself. Only that you're normal and it'll be ok - have yourself some chocolate and a and a little (((hug))) from me x

Hi Kirsty. Take it one day at a time. You will find your very happy some days and extremely bitter others. All natural in the process. I still grieve for 'what should have been' at times, but now am planning for my future too. I'm 2.5 years in the process of moving on.

Find a good friend who will let you cry on her shoulder, plot your revenge with (l did lots of plotting, but never went through with it) and laugh with. One day you'll find he did you a favour by going and you will be happy (even if the house is falling down around you, like mine is - lol).

Thanks all .. i think it is hitting hard as it is my birthday tomorrow.. 44 and single again .. And well on my way to my 2nd ex husband..

I know he has done me a favour as he is a complete arse but he makes things so difficult ..

:(

I'm so sorry I missed wishing you a happy birthday! I'm hoping you went out and did something fabulous so weren't on MN anyway. Belated love and hugs to you - you deserve so much more than being with him, and now you're free to go on and be the amazing person you are. (I do know that is easier said than done). Here to hold your hand anytime honey xx

Thanks Choco went out with my family and then at 11pm my DD puked chow mein all over her bed.. got it changed and then she puked again.. she slept with me and didn't surface til noon today! Happy birthday to me!! :-s

Big night out on Friday with the girls and feeling more positive again

How are you, sprout and bean?? xx

I'm in the same situation too. Its so disappointing when things are going relatively well and they you get hit by a sledgehammer over something as simple as a hose pipe. It happens to me all the time.

My trick is to try and dwell on and enjoy the little triumphs that also come your way. Congratulate yourself on your achievements, note the progress, and give yourself a pat on the back.

Just as an example, I had 4 little jobs that needed doing around the place that I couldnt do - neither the skills nor the tools.(Stbx has taken them all, so you have my sympathy there). These jobs existed before stbx left but he was obviously too preoccupied with OW to care. I actually even said to him "do you actually want that to hit me on the head"? Hmm, many a truth spoken in jest etc............

Anyway, I digress. I got someone in to do these jobs this week. It cost me the grand sum of £20!! and I smile every time I see the pleasing results. Who needs a fcking useless prck of a husband eh??

Hi spring (I love your positive name!)

I had to go and buy a lawnmower and assemble it and then cut the grass (something I was never allowed to do as I 'wouldn't do a good job' according to him) .. it was a bit frustrating at first as the instructions weren't clear but I got the lawnmower built and hooked up my ipod and off I went!! Not only did I do a better job than he had and I did it all by myself and felt very pleased with myself indeed!

The house is very tidy (he always complained that it was untidy and yet it hasn't been untidy since I kicked him out) , I cook meals for myself and DD (but I never got to do that as he always cooked as my efforts never came up to scratch according to him) ..

I now longer have to tip toe on eggshells round a grumpy moody bastard ..

So I totally agree with your Who needs a fcking useless prck of a husband eh??

I guess my birthday was just an emotional time and now that it is over I feel a bit more positive again and from what everyone has said feeling this way occasionally is just what I should expect

Well done for building of new lawn mower, small victories like that make you feel good, just remember those moments.

These useless bastards do things to upset you on purpose,bear that I mind, and when it happens just think to yourself - he wants you to struggle and suffer and get upset, so don't let the bastard win!
You have all shown you can do it, all those achievements will build your confidence, hang onto those moments.
I hade a great moment at the weekend, my sunroof was leaking, so I googled it, watched a you tube video on how to unblock the sunroof drains, and bloody did it! I was so chuffed.
Keep going girls.

Well done to you nolonger

Is it time for a more positive nickname to match your positive outlook?

My username used to be Liarswife before I was convinced to change it to be more positive :)

Hi Kirsty,

I think working lawnmowers must be one of the quests we need to master before we can officially say we are moving on, a few weeks after knobhead left i had a similar situation with a petrol mower with about twenty different knobs and levers on it, it weighed a tonne and i couldnt get it started!!

I did in the end and did a lovely job of the lawn, cue this week, got it out of the garage no problem and started first time!! Well done for putting it together- dont know if i could stretch to that yet!!

Glad you hear you have a big night out planned for Friday, enjoy yourself :) xxxxxxxxxx

Hi Kirsty,
I fully sympathise with your situation. My XH took all the tools - even the bloody chamois leather... & I used to clean his f*ing car. Every little job you manage on your own is very satisfying (I now mow the lawn, I've managed to upload photos from my camera, I've been on my own 11 months now & really am starting to get my head round it).
As a previous poster said, surround yourself with strong people who you can rely on, different friends for different reasons.... thats what has got me this far (& no drink or anti d's ... so perhaps I was always the strong one in our marriage!).

Hi Starting

Your lawnmover sounds much scarier than the cheap and basic one that I bought - well done!!!

Yes not only am I out on Friday with my closest girlfriends .. I am now going out on Saturday too with another good friend ..

xxx

Hi Wise .. yes mine took the jar of coffee from the cupboard and the boot polish too!!

My friends and my mum have been fantastic and I've cut back on drinking during the week ..

Earlier in the week was the bottom of the rollercoaster .. heading back up now I hope .. and the thing is with rollercoasters - the Big hills are always at the beginning before you hit the little ones at the end before it all levels off and you get out with a smile on your face

You might be right kirsty i will think on about a new nickname, will think of something witty.. Might take a while!

It's hard changing everything, even how you think! When the arseholes play stupid mind games and text you and interrupt your day it makes it even harder.

I've just booked a weekend at center parcs in June so have that to concentrate on and look forward too, my DS will love it

I'm not good with witty names either .. what about Sunnyroof (as you fixed yours)?? (See!!!)

This is turning into a very positive thread, hope it keeps going everyone.

Kirsty, I agree its time to move on with your user name but Liars Wife was a good one.

I've just had productive few minutes negotiating with estate agents to reduce their fees. Feel I did rather well and I am usually crap at bartering. Stbx doesnt even know I want to put the house on the market yet. That'll surprise him
My solicitor wants me to choose an agent and get the fee negotiated before she approaches his solicitor. I'm on to it!

spring Well done on the negotiations .. but just fyi my solicitor said that i need a separation agreement to be in place or we won't be in a position to accept an offer on the house. Have you got one sorted out? x

Still not thought of a name.. I like the positive theme to the thread!

Sounds like we are all in similar position. My house is on he market, only had one viewing but I remain hopeful.

spring good on you getting some control and sorting stuff out about the house, but I do think kirtsy has a point, ultimately you will need his agreement on things as then it will go quicker.

Just box clever over it, not sure what your Stbx is like, but sometimes you have to let them think they are still in control, when really your running the show

Thanks for the info Kirsty and Nolonger. I've had the 3 market appraisals done ready for the Form E and I sent them to stbx. My sol is going to approach his sol to say I want the house to go on the market with x estate agent, with x fees, at x price rather than just vaguely say I want to sell sooner rather than later and see what they come back and say.

I know that if the house were to sell quickly neither of us would have access to the money, it would go into some kind of holding account until the financial settlement has been finalised. I'm happy to move into rented in the mean time and then I will be in a good position to buy when I do get my share!

The first financial hearing is end of June.

Nolonger, my stbx is a controlling b*stard. My sol is going to also say at the same time "we agree" to something else. (wont say or could out me). I know stbx will be very pleased with himself that he has "won" on this but actually its something I actually couldnt care less about. I'm enjoying the craftiness of it all. I know him a lot better than he knows me.

Brilliant spring
Let them think they are winning.. I would love to be there when he gets that letter from your solicitor, priceless

You are showing you are strong and mean business.