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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

how can i stop my sister continuing to ruin her life? Drug and alcohol related.

4 replies

stayaway · 30/04/2012 12:11

She has had a serious cocaine and alcohol addiction for 10 years which she has been having therapy for. She has done well with this and we think she has stopped using cocaine. She started a new relationship a year ago. At the time they met, she told us he was a recovering heroin addict, but apparently clean now (on methodone). He seemed nice, said all the right things, we hoped he'd support her. They moved into a dingy flat, he doesn't do anything all day and frequently gets drunk (turns out he is an alcoholic), tells my sister he's going to change but doesn't do any thing about it - you get the picture.
Anyway, after another argument i helped her to move back with our (very supportive) parents last week. Now he wants them to get back together again. Says he's going to change. She knows deep down he is manipulative and a liar but loves the idea of how things could be. I have said all i can to try to stop her going back. Don't know what to do from here.

OP posts:
AceOfBase · 30/04/2012 12:16

IME you can't stop her from doing anything unfortunately, you can only support her and try to give her a point in the right direction. It's awful to watch someone you care for destroy themselves repeatedly but sadly without her having the will to change it, nothing will change.

AceOfBase · 30/04/2012 12:18

You have done your best to help her stay. Believe me I know how heartbreaking it is. But you can truly only do so much.

stayaway · 30/04/2012 12:38

Thanks Ace. I suppose i know there is nothing i can do. It is so hard watching her destroying her life and not being able to do anything about it. But we have been trying to help her for 10 years and been unable to. I just don't get why she cannot see what she is doing.

OP posts:
AceOfBase · 30/04/2012 12:44

Because she is an addict. They don't see past their addiction. I dealt with this with two of my siblings and heroin addiction, and also was the same way with my (now controlled) eating disorder. I couldn't see what I was doing to my family just as they couldn't see what they had done to me. She needs to realise her problems before you can help her. It's hard to say it, but she may never realise :(

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