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Original poster

Income Tax Vent

27 replies

Mother2many · 30/04/2012 07:34

After being with my DP for 5 yrs, we moved in together last year. This is the first year of doing out taxes as a common law couple.

At the tax office, I joked about how my refund is going to be soo little ($7.90) because my DP will be claiming myself and my children under his. He snidely said, "then file alone." He shocked both me and the tax lady. She piped up and said, you don't want to get caught. I then responded with, why would I do it as single? I have no deductions, as YOU have them all.....mortage, etc.

Anyhow...we did it.

When he got home I mentioned how I think we should open a joint account for the cheque. This way, I can help pay bills, etc.etc. through that. He still keeps his own account, and I also keep my own account.

When cheque comes day after, he makes a comment, "I've got to get to the bank and deposit my cheque". I glared at him and said, thought we were going to open a joint?? He trips over his words and yeah...

At the bank, we open account, and we are standing in line waiting to deposit our income tax into our "joint account". He says, I'm going to put some in there and the rest in mine... I was so mad, upset.

He KNOWS that filing with him I lose $4,000 a year... For income tax he GAINED $4000 because of claiming my family.

I am angry. I feel like he was giving me an "allowance" with whatever he was going to put in our new joint account. He doesnt' pay his bills online, only in the offices, so, it's not like he has bills coming out of his account...

We meet at the bank so I took off...

When I got home, I cut up the new bank card I got, and left it on the table. Not one word from him, as he unloaded crap he bought for "HIS" home...

He clearly saw the bank card cut up. He mentioned going to get groceries and I said, I don't get my money in until Tues, so I can't afford it. He goes to town to do more shopping. Seeing my grocery list I have sitting and was hoping to do....doesn't take it.

Sooo...he banks the $5000 income tax cheque into where ever, and he get his pay check on Fri. Meanwhile, I don't have much money.

I have never, felt like this before. I guess, it makes me thankful, my STBXH, never, ever treated $ that way...or make me feel angry about money...

Next year I will have even more to claim with going back to school and I already dread him taking all of that too... Angry

Maybe seem petty to some of you who keep separate bank accounts...and maybe you don't have to worry about money like I do.

This is the first year I'm accepting that DP and I are "common-law"...and not a good feeling... Shock

OP posts:
Xales · 30/04/2012 07:45

Are you not in the UK? I didn't think there was such a thing as common law in the UK.

Not sure what taxes you are doing together to be honest.

Do you pay half all the bills?

However I would not be happy with a man who happily pockets extra money at my loss without blinking. Especially as this is literally taking food from the mouths of my DC as I can no longer afford to feed them.

You need a good talk or to revaluate this relationship.

angel1976 · 30/04/2012 07:53

Agreed with Xales. Meanness about money is no good. Has he ever been mean with money or is this the first? Sounds like he's not keen on you and DCs moving into his 'home' and trying to get you to 'pay back' some how?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 30/04/2012 07:54

Are you actually in the UK?.

"Common law" as a English legal term does not exist in law. Don't get caught up in the myth that is common law, you are not married to him and so your legal position and rights are much less than it would be if you were a married couple.

You are seen in law as two separate individuals who are not related to each other. Basically what is his is his and what is yours is yours.

There already seems to be problems and he does not sound very nice at all. Did you as a couple not discuss the financials fully before moving in?. You're leaving yourself wide open to him financially abusing/controlling you as well:(. Do not let him have full control of your money, he'll be handing you a petty allowance eventually and you could well end up begging him for more cash. I also think he will up the financial ante control even more now that you're with him; you could end up in a right old mess.

How does he get along with your children?.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 30/04/2012 07:55

The OP can't be in the UK. Apart from the mention of dollars, unmarried partners have never been taxed as a couple, there is no such thing as a common-law wife, the 'married man's allowance' disappeared many years ago and married couples have been taxed separately since 1990.

OP... if your story is accurate you've had the bad luck to move in with a bully of a man that regards you as a way to get a tax break. You are there for his convenience, can be thrown a few coins from time to time and are expected to be grateful. You would be foolish to make yourself financially dependent on this man in any way whatsoever. You must have managed OK before he moved in? Maintain your own accounts, your own source of income (even if that means not going back to school) and insist that you are taxed separately. And reconsider living with this man.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 30/04/2012 07:56

Would also suggest that you read "Why does he do that?" written by Lundy Bancroft.

kickassangel · 30/04/2012 08:04

I live in the US and it sounds like the tax system here.

Op, you know you can defile taxes if there was something wrong with them? Also, you don't have to let him claim the kids etc you can do that. And even if you were married you can still file separately.

Sorry, but it really sounds like he's ripped you off, and is happy to do so, THEN make out that you're the unreasonable one.

kickassangel · 30/04/2012 08:05

Refile taxes not defile them

CogitoErgoSometimes · 30/04/2012 08:28

@kickassangel... is that the case in the US, therefore, that an unmarried man who is not the father of the children can claim them as a taxable allowance? And, if so, doesn't that make a woman with children 'attractive' for several wrong reasons?

CinnabarRed · 30/04/2012 10:03

It's definitely US taxes. Cogito - yes and yes.

cornflowers · 30/04/2012 10:38

I think something similar applies in Aus/NZ too?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 30/04/2012 10:39

Blimey... the US is a bit behind the door on women's rights, isn't it?

cornflowers · 30/04/2012 10:46

I imagine taxing household income potentially makes it more affordable for one parent to be a SAHP? In some ways it seems fairer than the Uk system, where a working parent earning £60 k pays considerably more tax than 2 x working parents earning £30 k each.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 30/04/2012 11:10

I note that you Mother3many are Canadian. Had no idea that all Canadian provinces except Quebec follow common law principle!.

It seems that your partner's true colours are finally emerging after five years together. Now you;ve moved in you're seeing what he is really like and its probably not the image of what he has protrayed to you previously. I would totally reevaulate this relationship as if you think its one sided in his favour now then that state is only going to continue in future.

kickassangel · 30/04/2012 18:14

cogito either parent can claim a dependent for tax reduction. I don't understand why the op has done this tbh.

dh earns more than me, so he claims dd - if we had 2 kids, then we could have one each, or either one of us claim both. the way to pay the least taxes is that the higher earner claims the kids as a dependant, as it can keep them out of the higher tax bracket.

have no idea about common law/co-habiting etc etc.

Original poster
Mother2many · 01/05/2012 03:04

Thanks ladies... I was so tossed on how to feel about this... afraid I'd get attacked as money hungry or something stupid...

Yes, in Canada we HAVE to claim common-law after a certain time. Since he has the higher income, he claims us..... (more rebate back) Common-law is almost the same as married...

Angel, I really thought of that too... When I moved in with him...he was a bachelor at the greatest... he didn't even have a bathroom sink! His table chairs were duct taped together, etc.etc. I found out recently when he gave his small freezer to my son...that "nothing in the house is mine anymore" Shock Sure, I brought 80% of things here... as this past year has gone by, I have also gotten rid of "my" stuff, and I really thought we were buying "OUR" stuff.... Guess I am wrong... Angry

The more I stew about it,...tomorrow I am going to go back to the tax office, and get them to help me figure out what amount did he benefit from us... THEN, I am heading to the bank, and withdrawing the exact amount of money (that we increased in his return), and putting it in my own account. I of course will be writting my DP a letter explain in in detail why I did that....and how I felt... and still feel.

OP posts:
NicNocJnr · 01/05/2012 03:20

Agree with all posters and with your response. I would be mighty pissed!!

My only other thought is - is anything else going on? As things have seemingly progressed at a rate he's been ok with but now suddenly he's feeling put upon etc - is this really about the money or is he acting out for another reason? 'Nothing's mine any more' is a rather telling comment...y'know apart from the fact it isn't actually his in the first place!!

If all is otherwise ok...well, fuck that guy. Sorry but I would find actions like that on the back of 5 years of him benefitting from your love and goodwill need nipping in the bud. As you are - don't take any shit, don't allow his behaviour and if he is starting overtures of letting his 'true' self show, we'll soon see. Gutting but better off in the long run finding ou now and not later.

kickassangel · 01/05/2012 20:59

I'm not even sure it matters how much money he has/hasn't gained. It's the attitude. You are seeing everything as jointly yours, he is still thinking of everything as his.

you need to sit down & discuss that - is it just that he's never been in this kind of relationship before so hasn't adjusted, or is it because he really does think that everything should be his and that somehow you're imposing on him by your very existence?

Original poster
Mother2many · 10/05/2012 16:33

Well, I did go to the bank and got a new card... Then I found out he had put in $700.00 in our "joint" account and banked the rest into his private account!

Yep... I am mad.... Wish I had a better way to word my anger to make him see why I am soo upset.... Sad

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/05/2012 16:42

Out of $5000 he trousered $4300???!!!! If you're struggling for the words can I suggest 'you're a lying, swindling, theiving arsehole and I want you to pack your bags before I pack them for you'?

Dropdeadfred · 10/05/2012 16:47

Does your do now pay the rent/ mortgage on the house you all live in? And the bills? Do you work?

Original poster
Mother2many · 11/05/2012 02:54

Well, he's home tomorrow night, and well my kids are all coming for Mother's Day weekend. Not the time to fight... Believe me Cog. I did write a letter very similar to your words and I plan on putting it in his truck. (he's a truck driver), so when he jumps in to come home he sees it.

Then I have part of me that says, "wait until after weekend"... Maybe he planned something special with it for me.....?? Confused

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 11/05/2012 07:25

Nothing's 'special' when someone's stolen your own money to pay for it with. If it's in his private account, unless you can make him write you a cheque, you're not going to see it again.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 11/05/2012 07:45

I can only reiterate what I wrote earlier:-

It seems that your partner's true colours are finally emerging after five years together. Now you;ve moved in you're seeing what he is really like and its probably not the image of what he has portrayed to you previously.

He is not your DP any longer; he needs to become an ex partner.
I wonder if your children actually like him or perhaps they wonder what you see in him?. I doubt very much as well he has planned something special to do with you this weekend as well.

Why did you move in with him in the first place?. You can kiss goodbye to that money as well, you will not likely see that again. He knew and fully knows what he is doing and is has used you as a cash cow. He does not give a damn about you.

Dropdeadfred · 11/05/2012 16:22

Do you and your do both contribute towards the bills??? Does he pay the majority ? Is it possible that he just view this money as a refund of the some of the money he pays out for you and the kids? I'm not defending him - he sounds like a selfish pig , just trying to see how he might think this through

Xales · 11/05/2012 16:31

In your OP you say he expected you to go out grocery shopping but you couldn't afford to until you got paid and he went off spending freely.

How can you look at this man who takes the tax rebate based on having your DC and leaving them short of money for even the basics like food?