Think might need to just admit it's not working

[justwanderingalong]

I've been with DP for nearly 2 years but things are not what they were. There is trust issues as I have caught him making smuty comments on photos of sexy dressed women and in the past he has exchanged messages with women as well. This is all on facebook although he could have been on other sites without me knowing.

I thought we had got past that but recently he has started clearing the browsing history after he has been online and his mobile is constantly with him even though he knows I never check it.

My main worry is his mood swings. We can be getting along fine one minute then his mood will suddenly change and he will pick an argument or sit in a huff.

I love him but I'm not sure if that is enough anymore. I'm crying myself to sleep most nights if I can sleep and feel my own mood dropping again. I've suffered from depression and anxiety in the past but for the last 6 months have been completely medication free but can feel my mood becoming low to the stage where I will need to go back onto pills.

You should trust your instincts, jwa

Sorry that you are feeling so unhappy but you will soon be receiving the full wisdom of Mners.

Best wishes

It doesn't sound like this relationship is very good for you at all.

It sounds like you'd be better off without him, but you know that don't you :)

No, loving him is not enough if he's not good to you and the relationship is making you ill.

He's not much of a catch, tbh.

Possibly you love who you thought he was. Or perhaps you're in love with the idea of your family - which, sadly, doesn't match the reality.

Best to cut your losses, I feel.

Trust your instincts. Do you think he could be having an affair?

Do you see yourself in the same situation in 5 years time?

Why waste time on him, then?

I don't think he is having an affair yet but think he will eventually. I do know the answer just don't like it but really don't want to be in same position years from now :(

"I love him but I'm not sure if that is enough anymore"

Not if it's one-sided, no. When you get along fine is that because he's behaving better or because you're keeping the peace and avoiding confrontation? (I'm guessing the latter) If you're crying every night and consider going back on medication, maybe it's time to tackle the cause of the problem, not just the symptoms?

It's mostly because I'm keeping the peace. I've tried talking to him but he won't talk. He says it's not in him to talk about things.

I'm in a similar situation.

My dh and I get along fine unless I bring up the fact that I don't know if he loves me anymore or not, to which he says he doesn't know. Then he ignores any further attempt to talk about it. I am left in this permanent state of suspense while I go quietly mad. It's cruel. I think his behaviour towards me now suggests that he is not in love with me anymore, but unfortunately I'm not strong enough to face actually leaving.

I really hope you can sort your relationship out. Either with him or starting out by yourself. At least by yourself you can do as you please and not have to put up with his shit and problems.

Good luck.

He doesn't know, Ilovemydog? That's plain cruelty.

What is so scary about being on our own? Why do so many of us put up with at worst, abuse and at best, indifference?

So, we might be a bit poorer - it's easy to adapt. We might be lonely - we don't need to be for long. We might be too used to turning to the male every time a bit of DIY needs doing - guess what, it's not that difficult!

I was sad when my ExP left but I knew one thing I wouldn't miss - that helpless crying in the night from being made to feel so useless and miserable.

Four years on I still don't miss it one tiny bit or the bloody football, pre-match pundits, game, post-mortum, edited highlights etc etc ad nauseum

"Why do so many of us put up with at worst, abuse and at best, indifference?"

Because so many are raised on a diet of romantic optimism. We're told, like the OP believes, that love conquers all. We think if we love bad people they can magically change for the better. We're told loneliness is taboo. We're conned into being financially dependent nursemaid/housekeepers and then wonder why we're regarded with contempt.

I need a 'like' button for your reply there, Cogito.

If it doubt- chuck him out.

Cogito your wise words reminded me of "Woman Is The Nigger Of The World" by the wonderful feminist John Lennon.

tall has it spot on. WHY do we put up with it? I wish I'd had MN 6years ago, I was so desperate to make it work I put up with all sorts of shit, but more thanthat, it was the complete apathy toward me, dressed up in a manly "I don't do emotions"
Well, he did do emotions. Just nothing postive. He did pissed off, bored, annoyed, grumpy, angry, but the one I found hardest to cope with was being ignored, Passive Aggressive.
I, and my children, are FAR, FAR better without that cloud hanging over us and the need to not rock the boat to avoid any negativity. The stress was ENORMOUS, constantly walking on egg shells and trying to stop the children from getting on his nerves. Not healthy at all.
But I miss being with someone, I miss sharing the kids with someone who loves them the way I do. But I never had that. I miss my dream of "family"

justwandering it doesn't sound like you are happy. Life is short. Would you accept this sort of relationship for your mum/sister/friend/daughter, or would you say "get out, you deserve so much better" ?

Oh Cogito I know. I too am guilty of desperately clinging on to the cold, dry corpse of a relationship in the hope that things would get better. That's why I ended up the dumpee!

I love being on my own. It would have to be someone very special to disrupt that. And I'm certain I'd never live with anyone again. I hope OP (and loveme) are feeling okay this morning x

How many of us have cried at night just wanting to be shown love and affection. Clinging to any kind word and dismissing the cruel ones. Being the one to try and keep HIM interested and happy...such pressure and SO SO SAD. I think we always think we are not good enough, pretty enough or whatever and that if we were he would love and cherish us .....ITS ALL SHIT...THEY ARE JUST COLD HEARTED WANKERS...END OF !!!!