Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

tips for a relationship where partner has a child...

2 replies

ThoseArentSpiritFingers · 27/04/2012 17:41

My new guy has a 4 year old daughter.

As its a fairly new relationship, it will still be a few months yet before I meet her, he doesn't want to be introducing people into her life until he knows its serious which I completely understand.

He's a bit older than me, (not by much, im 21, hes 26) and the fact that I've never been in a relationship that involves children concerns him, as he thinks I'm taking on more than I realise. Obviously I know that its not going to be as simple as a relationship that doesn't involve children, and it will definitely be a learning experience for me. But I really want to make it work. So Im basically asking for tips and help for knowing how to go into this, and what to expect, in preparation for when it gets to the stage of me meeting her.

He's on ok-ish terms with his ex, but not great, and shes already been asking about me. One of his friends has apparently told her that I'm a lovely person and that she shouldnt worry about me being around her daughter. But obviously I can understand why she would want to know about me. I'd have to meet the ex before meeting the daughter anyway.

so what should I expect, will be expected from me? This is all new to me and a bit scary but I really like him and want to make the situation work

OP posts:
Kernowgal · 27/04/2012 18:03

It depends on how involved he is in her life and how much contact he has with her - we have my OH's kids every other weekend and I find it very hard, especially as we work different shifts and essentially only have one day together per fortnight. Our house is also very small and having three teenage girls and all their stuff can lead to frequent arguments.

What I would say is that you need to discuss what you expect of each other in terms of support, and do this long before you meet the kid. As you don't live together it'll be easier. I speak from bitter experience as my partner tends to ignore me when his kids are here despite me doing all I can to keep them entertained and it's become a real issue in our relationship.

The ex is another matter - I met my OH's ex recently and she was perfectly pleasant but I wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of her. Tread with caution but be polite and friendly.

It's also worth giving some thought to what you might all do together when you do meet her. My OH's kids love baking with me and I have a constant supply of felt-tip pens and drawing paper!

Kernowgal · 27/04/2012 18:04

PS Yes you will be taking on more than you realise, that was certainly the case with me! But talk through what he expects of you and vice versa and all should be well. And keep talking!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page