Does it ever work out if you get back together?

[jeansforever]

As the title says , can it ever work out if you get back with a person you left?
I left my husband late last year ,he was been horrible to me and we argued a lot he was never one to talk about things so i took the kids and went.
He seemed shocked i left and said he didn't think things were that bad , we talked he said he wanted us to go home i said i was staying at my new housebut we could see each other and see how it goes.
6months down the line it's going well we get on ,have had some counsilling , we stay at each others house and i do miss him when he's not here.
He now wants us to go home but i keep thinking about this question, if anyone has experience of this i would appreciate the advice.

Can't help from experience (things were much too far gone by the time I left), but can only suggest you think carefully about whether he has really changed or could just be putting on an act, which is a lot easier if you aren't living together. Is he genuinely showing consideration for your needs and feelings? Have you discussed how it will work if you do go back, or is he just waiting for normal service to be resumed because he's sick of doing his own ironing? Would you have to give up your independence entirely or could you maintain a bolt hole in case it all goes pear-shaped again?

The most important thing, of course, is the impact on the DCs. I would say you need to be very sure that moving back is likely to work, otherwise they will have to go all through the separation thing again which would confuse them more than the first time. If they are happy and settled where they are, and you can afford to go on living there, what's the rush to change things?

I have done this but split up again due to behaviours creeping back in slowly but surely or having forgotten quite how bloody annoying some things they did were.

But, a friend of mine has recently (about 8 months ago) got back with her partner after 3 and a half years and she's happy as far as I know.

it didn't work for me. sorry.

we had 3 years apart and did alot of talking before trying again. we should never have done it.

It didn't work for me either. About 6 months after we got back together he was back to his old tricks so I left the bastard again.

We split for 6months after an 18month relationship. Now DH then came crawling back, wanting to make a go of it.

Married within 10months and that was a decade ago :o

So it IS doable, but both parties need to continue the good work-maybe continue your counselling etc

Good luck.

Didn't work for me, despite things going well to begin with. It was a painful lesson in leopards not really ever changing their spots

Not for me. I realised that I'd moved on in the meantime and besides that could see him getting moody again and ready to pick things apart. Which is weird, because he'd been so glad we were getting back together and so determined to change. But it just started all over again.

Describe Horrible, please?

I'd need to know more about what you mean by that, and the reasons why you left before I can honestly give you my opinion (whatever that's worth..)

Be cautious, tread carefully and don't be too hasty to go back to where you were.

I left my ex before, I was at my mums for 6 weeks after much pleading and promises I reluctantly went back, within 4 DAYS I had left again. I do not for one second regret leaving, just wish I had done it sooner and had more strength in me. He was however an abusive drug taking @##@#?@@

My sister left her husband 10 years ago when she was pregnant with their first DC because he cheated and got someone else pregnant (nice right?) He was a horrid immature bastard that hurt my Dsis so much but they rebuilt their relationship up again over 3 years (he had counciling) and have been back together for 7 years and have 2 more DC's.

He has never seen his DC from the affair but pays matinance. They are actually really happy now and we have all moved on. It was bloody hard work but he is a different person now so I do believe that people can grow up and change. It does take time though and they have to really want it.

I don't know whether she did the right thing but they have 3 amazing DC's and she is happy and still very much in love.

We were together 17 years married for 10 years and have 3 children, he just started shouting all the time and throwing strops if he didn't get his own way.
He would try to imtimidate me when we argued to shut me up ,we were doing up a house and he just stopped doing the work as he was sick of it so we ended up living with half an unfinished house , i would nag him and we would argue.
I found a nice house to rent and left , since i've been gone he has pulled his finger out and done the house so at least the main reason to argue has gone.
I'm doing better than i thought i would but don't know if it's because i'm not truly alone as i see him 3 times a week.