Well, I got mumsnet hq to delete my old three following advice from you lovely ladies....
To recap briefly, woke up to partner with hands between my legs 3 nights running, I'm sure those who had posted (and I really really appreciated all those who did) will remember the rest.
Had e core group meeting and notified everyone that i had ended the relationship. Xp looked gutted. Said that my sw was due to visit me on Thursday and I would discuss the whys and wherefores with her then.
Xp probation officer asked for a word. It seemed that he'd always reported to her that things were good in the relationship. Following their 5 minute conversation, he'd informed me that he'd told her what had happened and at he was worried I might press charges. He said that she'd said "if she did, it could be misconstrued to be sexual assault"....highly doubt she said that and is a another means he is using to minimise what he has done.
Xp is currently begging for another chance. Wants to be a better partner, father blah blah blah......
Sw came around today and I told her everything that had happened. She was really supportive and understanding....I really do like her, can relate to her a lot. She said that ds will come off the plan as I am a good protector, she has no doubts about that. She understand why's hat I haven't wanted to break the family up, and she understands why. But says that I have given it a good go.
Xp is still living here, he has nowhere else to go. It's difficult. I still love him but know that we cannot work things out. I want more for my ds.
He is looking at housing a good 2 hours away from here, which will be difficult for contact with ds. He said he will pick up ds after work on Friday, then travel an hour to pick up dd, then travel the 2 hours to his place (when he gets it). The timings that I've given are not at rush hour so can see him getting home at midnight. Ds would then have to be back for his swimming lesson at 4.30pm on Sunday.
I told both my sw and xp that if ds returns home when older saying daddy was shouting at so and so, I would have serious concerns as I know exactly how unreasonable he is....and what his shouting is like. Sw said that it's all about bringing ds up to be honest, no secrets. And if there is shouting to see how he feels about it, if he's scared etc etc. if I has concerns, I could stop contact.
I just wanted to say thank you so much for your responses. Honestly think your sometimes harsh advice is what I have needed to realise that his behavious is not on. And any hope I have of him changing and having this happy family is just not going to happen.....despite xps empty promises to change his ways.
Here's to moving in with my life and becoming happier!! :)