Enjoying sex with a new partner

[watchingwaves]

My marriage broke up towards the end of last year before which my husband had been been my sole sexual partner for 12 years and sex was good although at the safe and comfortable end of the spectrum. Husband pretty much always made sure I orgasmed. I also regularly masturbated but in a tried and tested getting to orgasm as quickly as possible kind of way. Since the marriage break-up I have been masturbating more frequently and in more experimental ways and had re-discovered a more sexual side of myself. I am now a couple of months into a new relationship and a month into having sex with new partner. We have only just started discovering each other sexually and although I am enjoying it I do have a couple of questions ...
Obviously new partner has his own way of going about things (!) - how can I focus on enjoying him rather than thinking thats not how husband used to do it/how I would like it to be done (these aren't necessarily the same) I'm not shy about telling new partner what I like and don't like and he is quite responsive to what I say. I would like to be able to relax and go with the flow rather than holding him up to my preconceived notions about how things should be (this is a problem I have generally, not just sexually - I'm not very good at going along with things when other people arrange them or enjoying things in the moment. I often realise after an event that I enjoyed it rather than feeling that enjoyment and happiness at the time - does that make sense? I'm not sure if that means I have problems relaxing my control on things).
Also during intercourse with new partner I sometimes find my mind wandering to fantasise about him doing things differently or being in different situations with him - is this normal/acceptable? How can I relax and just concentrate on whats actually happening? It's an improvement on how I was with my husband, at least now my fantasies are about the man I'm with rather than an anonymous fantasy figure but I think thats probably because I think my new partner could live up to that fantasy ideal.

It's just time... Like when you buy a new car and it's different to the last one. You spend the first few weeks reaching for the controls in all the wrong places, scootching the seat back and forth because it's not quite how you used to like it and losing it in car-parks because you're used to finding a silver one and not a black one. :)

Sex is the same. Takes time to get used to a new partner. Time to find new experiences between you that you like better than the old model. Time to trust each other with lurking thoughts & fantasies until you're confident they won't be dismissed as silly. I think that's all part of the fun. If you knew 100% what each other wanted Day 1 what would you do Day 2?

I agree with Cogito and I think her post is really well put!

I left my husband at the end of last year and have been with someone else, who is lovely. But it is hard to let go of all the years of baggage and expectations and sometimes hard not to just lie in bed and ANALYSE everything to death . I guess you just have to give yourself time and accept that it takes a while to unravel things and start again.