Permission to vent here and ask a question.

[atosilis]

I have posted on here before about living with a H who had a stroke, is retired and drinks a lot.

To save my sanity, I have to see friends at the weekends. They don't live close by as we have moved, so it usually means an overnight trip or we can meet halfway for a day.
Unfortunately, 2 of these trips were the last 2 weekends, haven't been away for weeks before that. When I mentioned that I am going camping with friends for at the beginning of June (for 3rd year in a row) he went mental. I said that I would not be shouted at and I went for a walk. Silent treatment for the rest of the evening.

Yesterday I went to work all day then drove a long way for an evening meeting and to meet our youngest daughter. Took her for a meal, drove back in the torrential rain and didn't get in until nearly midnight. Nearly crying with exhaustion. Not ONCE did he text or ring to check I'd got there ok.

This morning he shouted at me again for not putting things away. I muttered under my breath and he heard it. Louder shouting.

Basically, he doesn't want to go out or be social and wants me to stay in with him and live his life. He's not bad, just very sad. I'm exhausted.
He won't contemplate my parents joining us on holiday (my mum urgently needs one) and won't allow me to take them as we haven't got the money.

He thinks I am being the baddy, unloving and selfish. Am I being unloving and selfish? Am I as blind as I think he is?

OK, what were the reasons you wanted to leave him before the stroke?

I'm guessing his selfishness, meanness and general arseyness? if that's the case he is the same person you wanted to leave, but one who has had a stroke.

You don't deserve this.

OMG 4 years ago! That has stopped me in my tracks although very glad to see how long I've been humming and aaahing.

Thanks everyone, time for me to shit or get off the pan.

Not glad, IYKWIM but been made aware of how long I've been dithering.

S'alright, glad is a good word, it's relief!

You know you've been more than fair, you know you can justify your next actions.

Procrastination is the thief of time.

Carpe diem, honey, otherwise your next 4 years will be stolen too.

You are in such a lucky position OP, although you don't feel lucky right now of course.

You have money, no family commitments, interests outside the home, friends whose company you love, and now a lovely grandchild. This is the time of your life - all you need to do is sort out the admin.

Put yourself first. You've got so much to look forward to.

Having seen your response here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1460484-If-you-met-your-partner-for-the-first-time-today-would-you-still-go-out-with-them am I right in assuming that his depression has not been alleviated by a session of horizontal jogging?

Last night we had a major row about sex, I said that I can't do it anymore. All our married life sex has been a duty. I can remember him making me have sex 6weeks after dd1 was born and the stitches burst.

We were in the kitchen, both had too much to drink, I don't know how but I landed on the floor on my back. He came towards me and I thought he was going to pick me up but he STEPPED over me and left the room to go to bed.

I have told him to accept that it is over. I will stay and sell all my possessions on eBay and then go.

Izzyizin - that will be a no! :-)

Wow, atosilis - I would say I'm sorry but actually I think it is the push you needed to get out without guilt. He sounds like a real sod, actually and I think you'll be so much better off without him - good luck with it all and I really hope you get out of there soon xx

He's still shouting now! He doesn't mean any harm and would like a quiet life with a wife who serves him - errm that will be his parents' relationship.

Ain't happening any more

The only thing I'd be serving him would be a crate of Absinthe (evil grin emoticon).

Why wait until you've sold your possessions before going? If I were you, I'd be long gone this weekend.

How are things today, atosilis?