I have posted a few times about my hideous marriage. Various names because stbx comes on here and tries to find me.
So was with him for 15 years, 2 dcs. We separated a year ago because of his abuse (physical, sexual, financial, emotional) and things are just really really bad atm. I stupidly had tried to 'remain amicable' but over the last year he has continued to, well, I don't even know what words to describe what he has been like. I stupidly never called the police on him at the times of the assaults.
I have been standing up to him over the last few weeks and I think I have made everything worse. The only reason I have to see him is for the dc but he constantly pushes over boundaries that I try and set.
I'll try and give you some examples from the last couple of weeks. So, he dropped off the dc a few weeks ago and my eldest was hysterically crying. Apparently he had misbehaved and refused to apologise so stbx grabbed him by the arm called him a "fucking bastard" and slapped his legs. DS was so upset saying "he did not want to see that horrible man, I thought he was going to kill me" etc. stbx denied it all, saying ds had exaggerated, telling me I should stand by him on this bla bla. I think I had a thread about that incident somewhere.
Another thing that has happened after this was that I bought a dog - thought it would do the dc well to have a pet to love, but my eldest seems to have been affected on his chest getting asthma. So stbx has come into my house on many occasions, intimidating me about this "you have 2 weeks to get rid of the dog, you should never have bought it, you are abusing your son making him ill, you twat" in front of the children. They are both so in love with this dog that they are literally distraught at the thought of losing him. I've said I will get a kennel for the garden, introduce hand washing rules etc. and I have done this and his chest is much much better. This threat seems to have disappeared.
Because of him calling me names like twat and whore infront of the children, I asked him not to come into the house anymore, obviously he has refused. And just comes in. He did this on Friday and refused to leave, demanding that he gets some paperwork out of the cellar. I said whatever 'paperwork' he wants I will look for him and get to him ASAP. He grabbed me to move out of the way, but did think better of it on this occasion and so parked on the sofa and said it is my house, I will do what the fuck I like. I said you are being aggressive and intimidating and I would like you to leave. He refused and so I called the police. For the first time EVER. They didn't arrive for over half an hour while he sat in the house telling me he can do what he likes.......and then he left. Went to his car and with a smirk on his face said "oh here is the paperwork I was looking for". When the police arrived they just logged it and said because there was no assault there was nothing they could do.
On Monday, I asked for the child maintenance money to be paid into my account, instead of a joint account that I have never have access to - it has just been basically going in and paying the mortgage, which is another story entirely but we could feasibly be here all day. Long story short, he refused. So I went into the bank and got some statements on the account. He has run up a massive OD on this joint account, and has been constantly withdrawing cash from it ie. pay in child maintenance, draw half of it back out again. I put a freeze on the account. Which has INFURIATED him beyond belief.
So infuriated him in fact that he cut my mobile phone off (in his name that he refuses to change but I pay for - the number is a work one and advertised everywhere etc and I have had it 10 years) then I start getting calls on the landliine and emails: "Take the freeze off the account and I will put your phone back on". Long story short again, I said I won't respond to black mail and just get another phone tomorrow and he will be responsible for the contract. He put the phone back on.
But then he came round that evening and I opened the door, leaving my foot holding it at the bottom, and he basically forced his way in. Pushing the door so it nearly broke and then grabbed me and pushed me out of the way, nearly knocking a mirror off the wall.
He then proceeded to go on and on about the bank account and how dare I freeze it. I said I will not be responsible for even more debts he is running up, I have a right to freeeze it because it has my name on. He justifies it by saying that "I have always controlled that account, you have nothing to do with it".
But when he finally left after more threats of the police I get email after email telling me how disgusting my behaviour is, how I am clearly losing it, how he is scared for the children because of me. I emailed him to say please do not contact me anymore, you can pick the children up at x time and no need for any further contact.
So he emailed me with a threat about unfreezing the account by midday yesterday, I didn't and haven't heard anything more about that. But then he was back on about some paperwork he needs from the house and that he needs access, that is illegal for me not to let him in. He then said if I don't get back to him then he will get the police to accompany him into my house to retrieve the phantom paperwork ( I have looked, my mum has looked for him because he phoned her threatening the police).
But then last night he knocked on my door at 10pm, I put the chain over and answered, again going on about the paperwork. I repeated that I had already given him everything there is and there is no more, and tried to close the door....and he tried to stop me but I managed to close it. And he was shouting through the door that he was going to get the police to get him in.
So there we are. I am waiting for a call back from my solicitor _ I think I need a new one because I can never get hold of her. But I don't think I can cope with this level of harassment anymore, it has been going on for a year now. THese examples of the dog, the bank account, the paperwork.....they are the tip of the iceberg.....he always has something that he is going on to me about. I'm thinking of calling 101 and making a complaint about harassment but I also know he does currently have a legal right to enter the house......but his behaviour is so despicable I do not want him in here anymore - he causes distress to everyone.
If you got to here, thanks, I could have actually gone on more and more....but I am sure you get the jist.
What shall I do? I feel scared now him knocking on the door at 10pm and him forcing his way into the house.