marital home after divorce?

[peppapiglet]

Hi
i am recently divorced and wondering if anyone has managed to stay in the marital home and move on (emotionally), or is moving house part of the moving on process? I have a lovely home and have taken over the mortgage, it is affordable. there are lots of plus about my home, but i am close to my mother and would prefer more distance. do i just continue to decorate and make it mine? anyone managed to do this and successfully be in a new relationship with the memories of the marital home?

I stayed in the house post-divorce for about 5 years. Wasn't a problem for me at all.

I had a relationship & the guy stayed in my home post divorce too. I think I may have changed the bed linen, but that was about the only concession I made to "memories" of ex-H.

I think you need to weigh up your options carefully & think with your head, not your heart. Move for financial reasons, location reasons, school reasons - but certainly not for emotional reasons. It is not a good time to sell, so be heard-headed about it.

As Bugsy has said, it's not a good a time to sell and your home sounds as if its pros far outweigh its cons.

Give your house a makeover. Have a good clear out, move furniture around, redecorate, buy new curtains/blinds/bedlinen as and when, and turn your home into a sanctuary that is exclusively yours.

Pay attention to its outer appearance. Paint the front door a different colour and if can't be painted because it's a double glazed pvc number, place a tub of flowers, hanging basket, or windowsill planters, outside to give it a 'new look' which will make you do a double take for a while when you return home each day.

If you're into new age pursuits, open all of the windows and clear old energy by smudging/clapping/ringing a small handbell (google for further info).

As for your dm living nearby, even if she lived next door it would be possible to keep your distance from her as you're only obliged to have as much contact with any friends/family members as you want.

Any unwelcome memories you may currently be harbouring will fade away as you get on with your new life. Good luck!

I did keep the house during my divorce 20 years ago.

The memories thing didnt bother me.

It depends on the ex, though. Mine kept a key, and whenever he babysat at my house he would let himself in, and also he took to cleaning my bathroom.

WtF?

I did. I love it. He made it so miserable for me and now it's my home and I just love it.

My exh moved out about 7 months ago. I've redecorated most rooms so it looks very different - was important to me that it felt like 'my' home rather than 'our' home. Plus redecorating helped keep my mind off things for a bit.

I've redecorated some of the rooms too. I found that redecorating the bedroom was particularly satisfying as it now feels like 'my room'. I've taken down almost all the pictures we had up previously and decorated in colours/style that my husband would never have selected or agreed to. In fact it's a bit more girly than I'd ordinarily choose I expect...but I love it. The kids really like staying in the family home with me and I think it probably gives me something of an advantage - they really look forward to being here. I am much more comfortable here now then when I was in the marriage and I felt shunted out or like he was in every room...but then I wasn't in an entirely normal relationship I now realise. Have had another man stay here now - thought that would be odd and it was a bit to begin with...but I have stamped my mark on the place now and on the rare occasions ex comes round I feel now like he's a visitor. Was tough to start with though. Good luck.

No, you don't need to sell up to move on. I thought I would need to but I was wrong. Making it my own and being positive that I had made the right decision made all the difference.

After a wobbly start, I now love my house. It's mine. All mine and I luuurrrrve it.

Decorate, re-furnish if you can, change furniture round. It all helps. And mine was done on a shoe-string budget. You don't have to spend a fortune. Good luck.

I've retained my 'marital home' for 18 years after exH walked out. It's a very nice house. Why would I want to throw it over just because he'd happened to live there once? I'd always been the one responsible for decisions on decor and furnishings so that wasn't an issue. Emotionally, I'm not much of a one for nostalgia. Financially was a different matter and I struggled a little at first but am glad I made the effort. Today it's worth a frankly obscene amount of money :)