I am gutted to find out that the State care more about me and my 3DCs than my DH does.

[bjf1]

I have been to the jobcentre today and they have advised me of my options on separating from DH.
I am gutted to realise that, even after paying rent and food and gas and electric bills, we would be better off. We would actually have some money left over to buy school clothes and a few little treats. And, if I'm really careful and save some each month, some money for birthday presents.
I am gutted because I realise that I will not have to ask nicely, beg, grovel whatever just to get money for food for me and the DCs.
Final straw came this evening when, once again, I was accused of being "a thief". Yes, I did the ultimate sin of taking some cash out of DHs money pot to buy food.
That is what is so sad: that the state are prepared to support me until the DCs start school, whilst their own father just labels me a thief.

Am feeling pretty gutted atm.
Anyone else in this situation?

..Not any more, but I was in a situation similar to yours.

You need to get out,or get him out of your lives. His behaviour is abusive to you all.

Yep, I know exactly how you feel.

I always say now that if you find yourself landed with a partner who doesn't make a financial contribution and/or do half of the unpaid domestic chores then you may as well replace them with tax credits!!!!

I did.

Show him this thread, OP. Tell him how much more pleasant and easy your life would be if you were to swop him for tax credits.

I was working PT and got working tax and childcare tax credits when I split with XP but was better off as I didn't have him pissing money away down at the pub. I was so used to budgeting with tiny amounts of money and having nothing for myself that it was a pleasant financial surprise when he went. I could control it all and I didn't fritter it away.

I just feel so very very sad now. I thought we would end up being so much worse off if I left him. That is what has discouraged me in the past....I was so worried that the DCs would miss out on so much, that we would end up living on beans on toast every day, and I would never be able to buy them any treats or new clothes whatsoever.
I basically thought I would stop begging DH for money for food and have to start begging the state for food.
But after today, I realised that my children will be cared for so much better without their father. The fact that he is financially well capable of doing this is even sadder.

This is a revelation to me, I have to admit.
In some ways I feel safer knowing this, but it also makes me feel really sad. The State who are a faceless entity can offer so much more support than the person who should care about us the most.

dont forget that on top of the tax credits you'll get your salary plus child maintenance