In a nutshell, I was with an abusive ex-P. He would beat me which is why I finally left him but its only now, 10 years on, that I realise that the emotional abuse is far longer lasting.
I was only 20 when I got together with him, he was very dominant and it ended very badly with the police and restraining orders, finally he was sectioned under the mental health act.
I realise now that I fear being dependant on anyone and it is affecting my marriage. I keep my absolutely lovely DH, whom I adore, at arms length because I can't risk myself like I did before. DH is aware of it and it gets him down that I won't let him 'in'.
I had counselling but having seen 2 different ones (8 years ago now) I never felt they helped, they kept focusing on events from my childhood which I felt were not related and that they just wouldn't listen to me and so found it unproductive and frustrating so don't want to bother again.
I just wish that I wasn't still being negatively affected by my ex-P. Gah.