I've name changed for this, and warning, in the interests of not drip-feeding, it's long!
DP and I have been together for almost 3 years and have DD, 16 months.
Background: I fell pregnant early in our relationship, DP didn't want a baby. After a lot of rows and me getting pretty depressed/a cry for help, I told DP he could stay or go, but that I was having the baby. DP chose to stay and since then has been an exemplary father: loving, involved, engaged, does half of everything. I can't fault him as a father.
However, he has also been neglecting our relationship/me. He had a pet project he worked on which took up loads of his time. As a result, we never kept the same schedule, and have not had breakfast together in ... over a year? And supper together very rarely. We don't socialise/go out together, basically ever. We have very little to talk about. I never felt comfortable being in the sitting room while he was working - felt unwanted - just him staring at his computer, so I would sit upstairs browsing on the internet and downing a bottle or two of wine. I know.
He's also become very insular, quite difficult to be around, uncommunicative. Getting him to talk about feelings/things wrong in our relationship/anything important is like pulling teeth. He'll talk about anything, but it's like dealing with a recalcitrant child if I want to discuss the fact that our relationship is going down the pan. But he'd insist that he loved me, wanted us to be together forever. I don't think that's true - when pushed (hard) he'll admit we have little in common anymore.
So, I felt very lonely and have built a life of my own - I'm 25, cannot bear the thought of sitting alone at home, waiting for him to notice that I'm lonely, drinking more and more. I spend most of my time when not with DD, with a close group of friends who keep me sane.
DP is not a 'bad' man but at 25 I am not willing to settle for this. I've fallen out of love with him, and have insisted on a break which we're now on. Initially I wanted us to get counselling but this break has been brilliant (for me; I'm now drinking a 'normal' amount i.e. can stop at one glass and feel so much more positive about myself and life) and the only reason I can think of for counselling now would be to facilitate a positive break up.
However DP has now apologised for being neglectful and is now making a bit more of an effort, but for me it feels too late. I know it could be so much worse - he has never abused me or been unkind, but I've been miserable and just want a clean break - we have negative history, the entire situation is negative. Also, though he has acknowledged his behaviour, it hasn't changed. He's started another bloody project and is still almost impossible to have an emotional discussion with.
I think the relationship is dead. Is it? I feel bad ... I feel I dragged him into all this. And my mother has said I should work harder, make it work, that I'm asking for too much. I want to end things, take the consequences, I think we can do it amicably, neither of us are angry ... sorry this is so long!