How do I find / pick a counsellor / therapist?

[WhatTheCatDraggedIn]

Sorry if this isn't the right place to post this...

I want to find someone who can help my family to deal with an alcoholic.

The person who is an alcoholic is receiving therapy but we feel we might need to see someone else.

We are going to try Al-anon.

What is the difference between therapy and counselling?

How do you find the right therapist? Just googled and have now idea what all the terms mean (Person-centric, Jungian, Rational Emotive...!). I'm not particularly interested in spiritual or religious-based therapy.

I would really appreciate any help, thanks.

Who is we? Adults, children?

If you want a therapist I would go along to Al Anon and ask someone there who they used. From my experience any of the people who go are in therapy too.

Al anon and Al Ateen are both very good. But you will be firmly told going is not to help your alcoholic, but to help you. You cannot solve your alcoholics problems. You can learn to cope better with them though. At Al Anon you will hear the phrases "god as we understand him" and "higher power" a lot, don't let that put you off. The idea of a higher power is throughout all 12 step programs, and is not about religion, but about being able to let go and not take responsibility for everything yourself, also to take one day at a time and be more sane. To get the most out of it you need to listen, be open minded and try it at least 6 times. But it is well worth it.

There are therapists out there who specialise in addiction problems, codependency, also relationships. These could be things you could ask about when you call around. I have seen both a Jungian psychodynamic psychotherapist and a integrative psychotherapist. Most of the things you mention are styles of talking therapy, so different theories behind them. They boil down to 1:1 talking therapy. BACP registered is good. Bupa recognised also good.

Thanks Daffy,

There is an Al-anon meeting on Friday and if we are brave enough to go and speak we will ask for advice there.

"We" are all adults. We are just learning (but not yet believing) that we are not responsible for the alcoholic's problems, and we are still searching for someone to tell us what to "do" to "help".

(The thread about this is in AIBU but wanted to get some specific advice on this one).

I saw your other thread too. You don't have to speak at the meeting, just listening helps. I went for a long time before I could say anything, I think in a misguided way I felt I was betraying my alcoholic. But even chat afterwards to someone, even if it is a neutral subject or asking them about themselves. There will be literature you can buy too, leaflets and books, and you will probably get a newcomers pack with leaflets in, as well as tea and biscuits, and someone will tell you about what happens so turn up a few minutes early. It sounds like you would get something out of it, as it will do exactly what you say you want. For what it is worth, after 6 months I concluded that no way could I continue living with an active alcoholic, listening to other people's stories made thing a lot clearer to me particularly about what my wants and needs are. But there are happier outcomes too. But I certainly learnt a lot about alcoholism and the support there was outstanding, and I will continue to keep going.

{There are quite a few blogs out there from people who have attended al anon, (google) "al anon fine" is one, which I have read a bit of. It might give you some insight to what is said, if you can skim the prose about the weather. But it is just one private person's insights, so if you don't like it ignore it.}

Thanks again Daffy.

Can you tell me what a closed meeting is? Do you have to apply to be allowed in or can you just turn up?

Have had a quick look at the blog - it does explain it all a bit more so thanks for that

In an open meeting - anyone who is interested can come (so GPs, alcoholics in recovery, academics, anyone).

In a closed meeting (to be honest anyone can come), but for example in Al Anon in a closed meeting a friend or relative of the person attending 'needs' to be an alcoholic. In AA you need to be an alcoholic to attend a closed meeting. In NA you need to be an addict.

But no one checks up on you, and it is a loose definition. The only person who decides if you are eligible is you, and for various reasons an alcoholic might prefer to go to NA for example.

You do not need to apply, The meetings are anonymous, so first name basis only. You just turn up.

Thanks Daffy, really appreciate it.

Fingers crossed it will go well on Friday.

I googled counselling in my area, and in the postcode I could get to (I don't drive and I didn't want any logistical barriers), and found a place with a few counsellors. Their website pages listed specialist areas. I was really lucky with mine, I clicked with her straight away. Sometimes, you don't always gel. I didn't the first time I tried it.