To give you a potted history, partner of 12 years, has been supportive and kind for most of it, but has a secretive side.
Have struggled a bit in the last few years - sick pets which needed lots of care, my father died last spring, both working long hours (no kids).
I've 'felt' that things have changed in last six months - he doesn't look me in the eye, answers me in teenager like grunts (he's late 30's and I'm 5yrs older). I've told him that I feel 'lonely' - but I also feel that he's been engineering arguments - no matter what I do I can't win, and get grumped at and told I need to 'see someone'.
Life should have been easier this past few months as our commitments have reduced, but it has been worse. :( I have felt he is hiding something from me - and looked at his computer where I find incriminating pictures.
I challenge him - he says it is nothing, it is over, it was way back in Jan when we were under a lot of stress, he wants to be with me, he does love me, but he does not seem that bothered. When I push him, he threatens to leave, I ask him not to - I want to sort things out and know what is going on!
We are now alternating between behaving like sweet lovers (while I secretly call him names in my head because I am so angry but not allowed to express it) and rowing, because I am apparently 'unreasonable'.
He was in the living room this morning, and I thought to myself 'if I go down, he will stop what he is doing and get up' and sure enough he had been on his mobile, jumped up and said he had to go to work.
I asked to see his text messages (first time ever) and he scowled 'no' then barged past me to go to work. He shouts that he is 'sick of this' and storms out.
Am I wrong to think his refusal to show me text messages means he is still having an affair with this work colleague?
Sorry...I don't trust my own judgement any more!