Freaking out and hoping I haven't done he wrong thing.

[Binxy]

Hello, I've had a couple of threads on here about the isseues dh and I have been having. Quite a few people pointed out that his behaviour was maybe a bit ea. I have been considering leaving for a while and then yesterday he ha a massive go at me and called me a 'fucking evil bitch' because our ds woke up too early on MY lie in and I should have soothed him back to sleep until it was a reasonable time for dh to get up with him (his turn). It sounds so ridiculously petty but it upset me. He really yelled it an spent all day being passive aggressive and telling me i ought to apologise for sabotaging him!?

Last weekend he lost his temper and started saying hangs to deliberately start an argument. Ie 'you are just waiting for your dad to die so you can have his money', and I just blanked him and stated at the tv with ds 2 having a snack - not wanting to engage.bsobhe came over to where I was from the kitchen just as ds was going in. He grabbed the plate off him and smashed it making ds scream in terror and then screaming in my face ' can you get me now?' then he told me to get out because he couldn't control himself.

I went to my parents and less than an hour later he was on Facebook making jokey comments and then off to his friend's . It's just not normal.

So anyway after Getting some really good input and advise on mumsnet I told him last night that I thought it best if we split up and that I don't Want to go to counselling. He said I shouldn't go telling his mum any of my lies and not to speak tO her anymore unless it was about our son. Weird again.

She called me today and we have always got on well. I didn't want to just chat away to her as if everything was fine so after chatting for a bit I just blurted out that things were bad between us and I didn't think it was going to work. She wanted to know why sink told her. Now I feel utterly deceitful and so scared about how he is going to react when he finds out. Have I been stupid?

Sorry it's long and for repeating myself from previous threads and thanks for reading x

No, it's not up to him who you speak to or what you say. I said to you that you should tell his mum what he's been doing and saying - the more you write the more he scares me. Has he left?

you need to get away from this man and the sooner the better. It matter not that his mother knows, she will know why you have left him then.

Here's your thread from yesterday and it's shame you haven't stayed on it as it gives others some idea of the history and enables continuity: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1455649-To-think-this-is-not-me-being-evil

No-one should have to live with a man like him; if he goes into one when he finds out that you've spoken to his dm, or if he kicks off for any other reason, simply call 999, tell the police your scared of what he might do to you, and have him removed from your home.

Link here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1455649-To-think-this-is-not-me-being-evil

Thanks! I feel really reassured just by reading your posts. Sorry for switching over posts. It was because it was in Aibu before and thought I should be in relationships - newby. Thanks for putting a link in to other thread!

It is making me realise just by how nervous I am that I really need to get out o his relationship and soon. I will talk to my parents tomorrow and see if we can stay there until I can sort benefits and rent somewhere.

His mum can't believe he would behave that way and was really shocked. She said she wants to talk to him about it but doesn't want I drop me in it so I said id tell him that I spoke to her and get things out in the open. She sai best to do it while kids in bed do they don't hear us if we argue. He's out now so won't be back til 11/ 12ish.

I know he will be furious after telling me not to an that scares me and also I feel guilty like I have 'told' on him...I really don't think he would hurt me physically or anything just bracing myself for a horrible row.

Be very careful when you tell him binxy he sounds like a nasty piece of work and be prepared that he might tell his mum some trule horrible lies about you, just make sure you make use of all the amazing support on here - you deserve better than this man.

I hope all went well and you are safe.

Ultimately telling others, it's the best thing because he will know it's not only between you two.
Abusers thrive on secrecy.

Don't rely on his mum too much, though.
She may be on your side or not, but prepare yourself for her to turn on you a some point or insist on counselling, etc.

And get out or get him out as soon a possible.

He is mad. Please be safe. I got chills reading about him in your opening post.

He is dangerous and abusive. He scares you and he scares your children. At some point he will probably hurt either you or them. Don't wait for that to happen. Don't talk about leaving - just do it.

His mother is under the impression that she can talk him round, as if he were a reasonable person. There is no point, as it will only enrage him further: people like your husband HATE anything that sounds like criticism, and react to it with any or all of rage, blame, denial, or martyrdom.

You should not be carrying around any feelings of being "deceitful" for telling anyone you choose the reason why you want to split. Of course he doesn't want you to: his pathetic little ego can't handle the thought of anyone realizing who he really is. But his repulsive actions are not your secret to keep: you are perfectly entitled to say what you want, to who you want.

However, you should be doing it from a place of safety. Your husband is an abusive shitbag, and what abusers hate above all is loss of control. You are evading his control: you want to split, and you did not obey his pathetic edict that you are not to tell anyone why. You are now a danger to him, and he is going to up his tactics of manipulation to try to get you back in line. This is not a safe time, physically or emotionally, for you to be living under the same roof as him.

Where could you and DC go?

'Maybe a bit EA"...?

He sounds extremely abusive.

I don't see why you should keep his abusive, aggressive, nasty behaviour a secret from his mum, but at the same time, I think you need to be addressing how you are going to get out of this dangerous relationship, and looking to people who are definitely on your side - friends, relatives, Womens Aid.

He sounds horrendous. I feel for your poor child.

So I spoke to him last night...he didn't say much At all. Was. Dry quiet and asked exactly what I had said, do I told him.

His mum called up to see how it went. She is upset and annoyed with us both for not making things work. She wants to know what my parents make of the whole situation and thInks we are behaving like children. Both sets of parents are confused as to how things have turned so sour so fast ( we've been married 3 yrs) after we were so loved up at the start. I just don't know what to tell them. When I try to say anything about what I've spoken about here it does sound like childish petty callings out. They all want to know what I must be doing to make him react this way as apparently he has never had much of a temper before. I just don't know...not being tidy enough(lAzy), not wanting to engage with him because annoyed/upset/angry if us said something unkind,he tinks I'm moody and deliberately wind him up but when I ask how he just says 'you know'. He smokes weed and I do has issues with that and want him to smoke less but he won't even consider it even though he told me we couldn't afford for me tO smoke so I quit.

It's all such a headfuck and I feel like the one who is being held accountable and that I am letting dcs down by not just getting over it and making it work.

Going to call the benefits office this afternoon just needed to get it out a bit!

You are an adult. Both sets of parents have zero say in how you conduct your life. It's enough that you choose to leave a relationship. You need no justification; you don't owe anyone an explanation.

It so happens that you have reasons in spades, but that doesn't matter. You don't need anyone's approval, or permission, to leave

They all want to know what I must be doing to make him react this way

That's called blaming the victim, OP, and it is not ok. You don't need to put up with this shit. Only he is in control of his words, his hands, his emotions. You don't make him abuse you: it's all in his control. And he chooses to say those words and throw those things. His mouth. His hands. Not yours.

You are entitled to make your own choices, such as the choice to leave a relationship you no longer want to be in. That's it. He doesn't need to be proven beyond all doubt to be the devil incarnate before you obtain the right to walk away. You always had that right.

Good for you. You don't need his approval (or his mother's) to leave him - you're not going to get it!

It's worth a call to WA for support.

One foot in front of the other. Do what you have to. Worry about the practical arrangements first and your feelings will catch up later.

You're not accountable, to blame or responsible for the way this man behaves. If his mother is making excuses for him or wants to blame you that's only because the stupid woman doesn't want to admit she's raised an total arsehole. How has it broken down so fast? Three years is plenty of time for someone to manipulate their partner into believing that appalling behaviour is acceptable. Be totally honest with your parents about what's been going on. We all want 'happy ever after' for our kids but, once they understand the whole truth, they will be firmly on your side.

Get him out of your life and then you can get on with yours. Stay strong. Good luck