In a bad place, need some help what to say?

[Inabadplace]

Erm, well I've namechanged I'm in a difficult place, I think its time to seperate from my DP of nearly 4 years.
there always issues bubbling away, but as wierd as it sounds ever since I got pregnant his attitude has changed for the worst (2nd pregnancy) I'm suffering severely frm MS atm 3-5 times a day , sometimes I can't walk plus I have a very hyper 2 year old to look after ..and yes I've neglected alot of housework .
He'll walk into the room silent but quite obviously in a bad mood, ignore me lying barely able to move and just say 'pots need doing' make himself a cuppa refuse to make me one because I've been 'lazy'.
I had alot of bleeding in early pregnancy and shooting pains , he once in an argument said he thought I was exaggerating,I've never fully forgiven that I dont think anybody could.
There are issues with sleep, he works for himslef so can get up whenever and does. I got no help during the night. Since the bleeding I have asked he pick ds1 up during night calls to limit the amount I am carrying him, he agreed but everytime I ask him now he ignores me. so I have DS1 all day , all night, all hours. I sometimes ask if he can get up with him after a rough night, he says no I have to work so I don't question and get up. However its not unusual he will have a lie and wake up 2 hours after me :'( and the cycle continues.
I feel he just really has comtempt for me and hes very clean which is not always bad but being so ill , I can't meet his demands and he can be very unpleasant when I don't and DS1 is a usually messy kids and just screams at him :'(.
I need to tell him tonight or soon in a calm collected way I dont want a row, how do I start a conversation like that??.

I know , I know I feel so wierd like I have this massive secret that no-one else knows.

I can feel myself being ..wierd around him I think hes catching on.

Has to be done this week though I Know that.

I totally agree , It really kicked off recently I celebrated a relatives 60th wedding anniversary recently.

Its by no means a happy marriage DV, her life has never been her own and its sad
I dont want that for me. or my kids

Have you got any medical support with your MS? The obstetric people will be able to help control your MS throughout your pregnancy. If he can't help out with your child and you're going to add another baby to the equation you need to make a move now.

This second pregnancy could mean your MS exacerbates which he also knew when he had unprotected sex.

Lazy, selfish man, severe MS plus 2 children= children's care will be compromised.

No that seems to be a losing battle atm I think I will just have to struggle.

hmm yeah its the best time plus time so physically when I have another place I'd rather do that not a moving mountain.

I feel quite guilty being civil when deep down I'm ready to drop a bombshell. arrggh I have so many conflicting emotions I'm like a ticking timebomb.

Does anyone know how I could open the conversation??

Tell him what? You have no plans to move away from this relationship yet. Make a plan and then you can feel confident you can deal with the split with MS and 2 children.

well I plan to leave this week , isnt that a plan :S

I am planning to tell him tommorrow ds is out of the house for the morning. I am shaking.

good luck

you are not burdening your mother

write down what you want to say, and good luck x

found this thread whilst googling and i think it very unfair point of view and peoples responses personally I think are rubbish as you don't know me or us - do you?

there always issues bubbling away, but as wierd as it sounds ever since I got pregnant his attitude has changed for the worst (2nd pregnancy)
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no you and me both wanted another baby and I love babies so why has my attitude changed?

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I'm suffering severely frm MS atm 3-5 times a day , sometimes I can't walk plus I have a very hyper 2 year old to look after ..and yes I've neglected alot of housework blush.
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many times I have said leave the household stuff i will do it - many times as I really don't mind!

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He'll walk into the room silent but quite obviously in a bad mood, ignore me lying barely able to move and just say 'pots need doing' make himself a cuppa refuse to make me one because I've been 'lazy'.
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no i am not angry with you - if im in a mood it's usually because of work and certain clients that ask stupid things of me - like friday for example - if you remember? - and I do ask you if you want tea - I think once I have no offered and you brought me up on it and i ended up making you one anyway

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I had alot of bleeding in early pregnancy and shooting pains , he once in an argument said he thought I was exaggerating,I've never fully forgiven that I dont think anybody could.
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again i have said sorry for this and did not mean to upset you at all

There are issues with sleep
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again you know I sleep heavy and keep telling you if you hear DS wake - wake me and I will see to him - I can't help not hearing during night as you know I most likely have hearing issues same as parents

he works for himslef so can get up whenever and does. I got no help during the night. Since the bleeding I have asked he pick ds1 up during night calls to limit the amount I am carrying him, he agreed but everytime I ask him now he ignores me.
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how dare you - I ignore you? hello I am asleep - wake me up to ask me to do something and I always do - when have I ever been woken and said - no you do it?

so I have DS1 all day , all night, all hours. I sometimes ask if he can get up with him after a rough night, he says no I have to work so I don't question and get up.
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I get up with him a lot - so not sure where this is from?

However its not unusual he will have a lie and wake up 2 hours after me :'( and the cycle continues.
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yes we had this problem a long time ago - which i am sorry about and have improved but i have not done it on purpose - i have sleep problems as you know

I feel he just really has comtempt for me and hes very clean which is not always bad but being so ill ,
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i don't have contempt for you - I truly genuinly love you to bits and would never do anything to hurt you

I can't meet his demands and he can be very unpleasant when I don't and DS1 is a usually messy kids and just screams at him :'(.
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no I don't just scream at you or him for mess - sorry but you just asked me to buy you a comfy 2k sofa - is it terrible i get stressed when DS gets all kinds of food down it? - maybe I shouldn't shout but it just makes me nervous when i am spending so much money on the things you want and they are not looked after

I need to tell him tonight or soon in a calm collected way I dont want a row, how do I start a conversation like that??.
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well you have told me now - and I can't believe this is happening - I am not a horrible "abusive" person as some of you have said - i am sure some of you will still slag me off but I wanted my side to be on here - I am deeply upset and love you but it's obvious from what you seem to tell people that you don't love me - do any of the people on here not get stressed? work for them selves and worry about next pay check to look after your partner/son and next child? im sorry but i think you people are pretty sad to judge me - some one you do not know - if any one wants to PM feel free - there's 2 sides to ecvery story!

if you can afford a 2k sofa you can afford to buy in outside help and/or put 2 yr old in a nursery full or part time so mum can rest

(ps only buy sofas with washable covers with small people)

if you plan to try adn stay together then please put in palce measures to help out someone with significant health issues during the day

You just happened to find this thread googling. What a crock? What exactly were you googling to find a thread from your wife anonymously written, with no names or places to identify her or your situation.

I believe her.

No i no her name on this forum so wasn't really hard - you may have visions of me being some dick head but I really am not and had no idea she felt so upset - I really do love her and am upset that she has had to do this - I am not abusive - I don't go around fighting and what not - and our little one does go to a nursery thing twice a week and I can't afford full time nursery - she needed something really comfy so I went out and got it her through hard work and saving up - and it is easy to wipe down but I do get quite stressed as I can be a bit like a clean freak at times

google mumsnet inabadplace

She says she has namechanged - How did you know her new name?

she was using this name early during the week when she was writing a post (which she closed lid - guess I know why now) as I went into our kitchen to make supposedly myself a drink to take back to work with me

Veryunfair, if you really are the husband in question, and you love her to bits as you say, please get off Mumsnet, go home, talk to her kindly and see if you can make things better.

It shouldn't matter who 'wins' on the thread, nor what a lot of strangers using fake names might believe (and since we have no idea who you actually are, why do you even care?). It really really does matter where you both go from here and how your children get brought up.

You know her name (which seems quite specific to this thread alone) and you just happened to be googling it??? You are beginning to sound quite stalkerish.

The more you explain yourself, the less endearing you are sounding btw.

And being abusive doesn't necessarily constitute physical abuse. HTH.

Inabadplace if you want any further help I would start another thread in that secret place under a different name (and delete your internet history). PM me if necessary.

well i dont care what you say I have done nothing wrong at all and yes I have seen her writing post with that name - and since I wasn't given much info on leaving i took to google + mumsnet :)

what's HTH mean?

Veryunfair, you're either on a massive wind-up or you actually are the husband. I don't know which is worse: derailinng a thread for kicks or preferring to argue with strangers rather than sort things out with your wife, who you have just found out is very very unhappy.

I am yes! and I have talked to her and she is thinking about us - we have talked but she needs time to think - and I know the advise you people give is good to most women in troubles but I genuinely 100% did not realise how I came across to her- I care and wanted to put my point across to you lot who called me bastard and other horrible things - I don't think it's wrong at all for me to have my say in this on here

It is very wrong for you to have your say on here - this is your partner's "safe" space and you've invaded that - if you can't see that this is abusive behaviour then you need more than a good talking to from us, you need to seek counselling (on your own) to find out why you continue to justify your behaviour.

Inabadplace - if you're still reading this, please look after yourself. You're pregnant and poorly with it. You need time and space to care for yourself and if your partner cannot provide that, then you need to find a way to make that happen.

Veryunfair - you should be ashamed of yourself. Your partner is especially vulnerable right now and correctly the assumptions of a group of totally anonymous women who are trying to comfort your partner should be the least of your worries. Sort yourself out.

Cashncarry - ye I do feel a bit ashamed of myself but I was not letting people say stuff about me when they don't know me! she has a safe home here and I have never done anything to make her think any other - coming on here to slag me off is just 2 faced

Veryunfair - you're deliberately not getting it. We're just a bunch of anonymous people - we don't matter. If she slags you off to us, so bloody what? She matters and she doesn't feel safe otherwise she wouldn't have posted. It doesn't matter why she doesn't - it just matters that she doesn't. That's your problem to fix - not defending your honour for God's sake.

Cashncarry - thank you for your help - I will try