"I don't think I get anything from it at the moment. Where do I go from here? I keep telling myself it's going to get better when he sorts his job out or when we move. I'm worried about the stress and worry it will cause our parents if we split. I worry about our dd as she adores her daddy. I worry about his mental state if we split.
Missmouseflaps,
re your comment:-
The first part of what you have written tells you all you need to know. There is always a way out; there is help and advice out there to help you. You need to take the first - and hardest step - to get the help you need.
Your DD is already being stressed by her unhappy mother and her uncaring feckless dad who is causing his partner much pain. Being apart from him won't cause her any more unhappiness than currently. Simply put, your man does not give a toss about either you or his child and never has really. He has put on an act. Also children adore any parent no matter how crap they are. She only has you to rely on therefore. Remaining within this will let her down.
I would also read up on codependency (Codependency no more written by Melodie Davies may be helpful to you) as you are not responsible for him at the end of the day.
Joint counselling of any sort is a complete non starter when there is or has been abuse of any kind. He demeans you and does not want to listen to you. If you want to go to Relate go on your own and work on your own self esteem and worth. This man has done a real number on you to get you to such a low point, he is the root cause of your unhappiness.
Why are you together still, this has been bad from the beginning yet you have hung on desparately to the wreakage with predicatable result. You probably thought you could save or rescue such an inherently damaged individual by showing him that you love him - you were wrong on all counts there. Also he was never your project to rescue or save from himself.
This man is dragging both you and will take your child down with him. Such men do not and never change.