Are my expectations unrealistic ?? Or have I f*cked up again ........

[Tillyscoutsmum]

I was going to name change because I feel such a failure.

I've been with DH for 8 years, married for 3. We have 2 young dc's together (as well as a DSD).

My relationship is ...... ok. He's not abusive. I care about him and we have a "nice" life together (no real money troubles, lots of friends etc.). We share a similar sense of humour and still laugh sometimes, when life doesn't get in the way. But that's about it. His conversation bores me (and vice versa). We have "going through the motions" sex once every week or so, just because we "should". There's no passion. We spend most evenings on opposite ends of the sofa with separate laptops. We bicker and argue and irritate each other. We disagree a lot about parenting.

I think if he came home and said he'd been having an affair, I'd be relieved. I think if we won the lottery, I'd leave. When I think about being with him in 10, 20, 50 years time, the thought depresses me...

Then I look at the shit some people put up with and I think I need to "man up" and just accept that life isn't all hearts and flowers. But I just feel like I want more.... deserve more maybe ? And so does he

Sorry - just wanted to get it "out there" really. Am I being silly ? Naive ? Is this just what marriage with young children is ?

Any thoughts welcomed...

Should have said - if counsellings a no go then there is lots of good advice in these posts about communicating and making an effort.

I have to completely disagree that this is what marriage is about. Mine definitely isn't and I know many people who are the same, also many people that are in the same situation as you. Just because many people put up with it doesn't mean its right? For some people its enough and some people its not but either way you mustn't give up without a fight!

Hi TSM how is it going? Hope you can get through this. My DH was a bit the same his hobby is running and he was clicking up 70 miles a week after work and weekends.
TBF he has said he darent get a bike as he would never see us then. We have worked out a bit of a compromise where he runs home from work now. This means he has a lot more time with the family. He still has his weekend runs. He tries to get up early for them and fit them around us not us around the runs.
It took some discussions though to get to this point.
He is also a bit reluctant to have all three kids at once (has only happened a couple of times) he conveniently blames breast feeding on why he can't look after the baby and as that is now my choice to continue BF it must be my choice to have no life [sigh]I
We have no help outside of nursery but have started to go for lunches. Ditch the kids at nursery/ school and go out for lunch, it feels like you are skiving. The first few times you may struggle but it will get easier and after discussing the kids you will discover some conversation topics. I do have to stop myself saying "someone on mumsnet" etc but it might come back if you try it.

It is just drudgery and tiresome but if you can pull out the positives what you saw in DH and what you do have you can get through this. Maybe have a rule no computers after x o''clock or something. Probably not helped at all but trying even if you do throw in the towel at least you have given it a go.