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Original poster

Odd behaviour from friend

13 replies

perceptionreality · 19/04/2012 20:32

I have a friend who I've known for years. I like her as a person but when we arrange to meet up she always wants to come to my house and then usually does one of two things.

Either we arrange for her to come round and she cancels or she asks to come on the one day I've said I am not free. Then occasionally I'll see her and it will seem fine.

I find it stressful trying to work out what's going on! Any ideas?

OP posts:
Original poster
perceptionreality · 19/04/2012 20:35

Oh, meant to say I don't press for a meet up.

OP posts:
izzyizin · 19/04/2012 20:48

When you 'occasionally' see her, where do you see her? Out and about, in a group of mutual friends, or does she call at your home?

Original poster
perceptionreality · 19/04/2012 20:50

She will only come to my house, alhtough I have occasionally met up with her in our local pub.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 19/04/2012 20:52

Well, if you REALLY want to see her (and I'm finding it hard to understand why) just tell her that you're really busy on a day that you're actually free.

Original poster
perceptionreality · 19/04/2012 20:54

The last time she said she was coming over, she texted to say she was coming a bit later, then that she had to go somewhere else to collect something.....then nothing

OP posts:
Chateauneuf · 19/04/2012 20:54

Does she have a controlling partner who hates you?

Original poster
perceptionreality · 19/04/2012 20:56

I think she does have a controlling partner who there is trust issues with but I've only seen him very occasionally. I have never really had a conversation with him.

OP posts:
Chateauneuf · 19/04/2012 20:59

So she wants to see you, but he doesn't want her to, so makes her life so difficult she feels she has to cancel on you rather than upset him. Isolating from friends is a key tactic in controlling/abusive partners.

Original poster
perceptionreality · 19/04/2012 21:00

I don't see why he doesn't want me to see her. He doesn't know me at all, I've never spoken to him.

OP posts:
Chateauneuf · 19/04/2012 21:02

I was being slightly facetious by saying does he hate you. Seriously, it's likely about isolating her from any external source of support other than him.

Chateauneuf · 19/04/2012 21:02

Isolation tactics in controlling partners

Original poster
perceptionreality · 19/04/2012 21:10

Hmmm, I have no idea whether this happens with other friends of hers. Perhaps you are right. I had another friend who had a partner who I could see tried to isolate her from me and her parents and sister. In this case I don't know what's going on.

OP posts:
Original poster
perceptionreality · 19/04/2012 21:37

I suppose if it was to do with me she wouldn't ask to meet up in the first place?

OP posts:
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