Anger

[pamelat]

I have not posted for months. I may be guilty of using mumsnet when I feel I need it.

In the last few weeks I am finding that I get angry very easily. In fact maybe I am often angry but sometimes it's bubbling and sometimes I am shouting.

I feel quite stressed out, work, money, kids - the usual

I am posting as just had a shouty row with dh and wondered who is more out of order? We both are in my opinion.

I have had all day with the children after a bad night with them last night ;he was out). He's been at work and had a long day too so we're both frazzled

He got home 30 mins late at 630 but he rang at 6 to say so, a meeting over ran. This annoyed me but I know it's not his fault etc so I was irrationally miffed.

He got home and I had made a big effort to clean the house, children ready for bed. I do house chores on my days "off" with the kids. I asked him to put their tea pots away, it didn't get done. Well it did, by me!!

We both put the kids to bed and he and dd fell out. She's 4 and been very naughty recently but has been brilliant today so have been conscious of lots of praise for her etc. I resented him falling out with her and shouted at him for shouting at her. He said we were both "evil"!!! I called him a prick (childish but in response to the evil comments) obviously we are both out of order in front of dd. It's just it's nor taking much to push me in to anger.

Dd said that daddy was never nice to me :-( it's sad because he is but she's picking up on comments and bless her, feeling she has to take sides? It's very wrong and maybe why she's been difficult?

Dh now angry at me and me with him but I want to watch tv/Internet/switch off so am not sure I will approach him until I am less angry.

Where does anger come from? I feel I can't control it verbally at the moment.

I can really sympathise with you pamelat. i too can be guitly of using Mumsnet only when I need it! Its hard when you are doing everything and feel undermined, knackered and unappreciated. I am definitely the more shouty one and feel I am angry stressed and irritable most of the time. I went to see gp who thought I may have a form of deprssion and has referred me for counselling. I want to find more healthy ways of expressing and dealing with my anger so I hope this will help. Its about taking stock isn't it and checking you are getting the support tyhat you need. Its hard, this parenting lark! Hope someone comes along with more advice soon. Take care x

Thank you

I have been to my GP twice in 3 years to say I am anxious or depressed but each time have been told I am not!! You wouldn't think I was but nor would anyone think I'd be someone to get angry (apart from dd dh and maybe my mum) :-(

I have struggled since having children as find life stressful but love them so very much. I love being with them but know I like control, which I can't and don't have with a 4 and almost 2 year old.

I think I was depressed after each child but I don't think I am now, just stressed and highly strung instead!

I am making myself exercise as that takes some frustration away but sometimes too tired to go. Am running 4 miles at least once a week but still not lost the mummy tummy. Dh jokes about but I don't find funny and pre children I would have done. We had a very easy going happy relationship, a selfish one in many ways, before children.

Mummy tummies are not easy to lose ad I'm not sure running is the best option.

Stop trying to compare yourself with celebrities.

You may have some trouble dealing with stress and may need to acquire strategies to deal with it.

Why were you even angry that your oh was 30 min late?

Could lack of sleep be making everything worse? I find I feel and behave much as you describe when I'm very tired. My DC were both poor sleepers for years, to the extent that I felt like you describe for a long period, perhaps as long as 5 years. Thankfully they now both sleep fairly reliably, and I feel much better, in so many ways.

I can completely sympathise in every aspect! kids are exhausting, undermining albeit unintentional is frustrating and not loosing the belly is depressing! As is lack of sleep and loss of control. Completely normal, many will feel the same even if they dont admit it

Can I suggest you ask the Dr for a general blood test to check you are not anemic or lacking in anything else. I have dreadful trouble absorbing certain nutrients and have been anemic for probably years. I too would be irrationally short tempered and was over exhausted because of the anemia. I now have b12 jabs and take folic acid after a few weeks I felt much better, my temper only flares in more normal responses. Its worth a try.

Thank you

I had my blood pressure checked a month ago as I felt it would be sky high, it's actually low!!

Will ask for blood test too

Dd driving my mad too so am shouty with her but not with ds?!! Maybe because he's too young so my expectations are lower?

I was angry with him because it meant my "help" was later. Selfish I know