Whats normal?

[happyhappymummy]

Hello :)
Im wondering if how I feel is normal?
I ended my marriage 2 years ago! Im now a single mum to 3 children.
I sometimes feel like I have made a mistake. I also believe whats meant to be will be right?
Im not sure if I left for the right reasons, I dont even know what normal is anymore :s
I guess theres not much I can do now anyway but was hoping for some words of wisdom :) and maybe to hear that yes I did the right thing!

There's a phrase in sales training called 'buyer's remorse'. When someone has made the decision to buy, there is a brief period shortly after when they wonder if they've made the right choice. The bigger and more expensive the item, the stronger the feeling of 'OMG what did I just do?!' is. A good salesman has to steer them through it... :)

You made a life-changing decision two years ago and it's pretty natural that you're wondering if you made the right one. Single parenthood is challenging, you've presumably had to make a lot of adjustments and - nostalgia being what it is - it's easy to look back through rose-coloured spectacles and wonder if it was really so bad. My view is therefore 'look forward not back'... Make the most of your decision, think of the future, plan ahead, leave the past behind. I don't subscribe at all to 'what will be will be' I'm afraid. Fatalism puts you entirely at the mercy of events. A little conscious planning puts you in the driving seat.

Thanks for your reply :)

This is very true!
I understand when people wonder after the fact but its been 2 years and I do wonder when that feeling will disappear!
I do try to look foreward! I find it difficult sometimes!
I guess I wonder if I will ever find what I thought I was searching for :)

There is no 'normal' just right and wrong.

Im sorry I dont understand imdoingthis?

In answer to your question what is normal? I don't believe there is any ideal normal because what's normal to one person can be the oposite to another because we are all bought up with different values and believes of what's 'normal', normal is what we are used to or what we are made to believe.

But within everyone's different idea of whats 'normal' we have behaviour that is right and wrong, things that are exceptable by law or not.

What did you think you were searching for happy ?

I understand :)

I havnt had a great upbringing but it has made me who I am today.

When I met my ex I was very lonely and depressed but I thought all was going to be good as I had met him. We rushed into having children and getting married. I still had issues from my past (confidence) I struggled to be who I wanted to be and he wasnt very supportive. I dont think he knew how to be. I couldnt change who he was and I didnt want to.
I lived in a rut for many years and suffered terrible pnd. I hated who I was.
I felt that he deserved to be happy and so did I! Alot of the problem was I wanted to be happy with me and thought it was my marriage.

so you couldnt change who he was and you carnt change the past

Where do you feel you are at now? you wanted to be happy but you wasnt, do you feel happy now or are you still searching to find that ?

I have been on a roller coaster of emotions in the last 2 years. Not just coming to terms with the end of my marriage and becoming a single mum but with all aspects of my life. Im definitely in a better place.
The thing is I only got to where I am now because of my breakup. I couldnt get out of that rut whilst with him, not sure why.
I just wished I could of and then I could of been a better wife and maybe he would of been a better husband.
Im happy with who I am. I know where I want to go but no longer have that family for the children and the normality for me.
Its like I sacrificed my marriage to find me.
I dont know if Im making sense? I just know Im a better person now but its too late I guess!

yep your making complete sense,

It seems you wouldnt have been 'you' while you were in a relationship with him do you think? so it would never of fit hand in glove iykwim
"Its like I had to sacrifice my marriage to find me" so correct me if Im wrong but I see it more as a this is something you had to do and more like stepping stones in your life, you have moved on yes? so would you of done so while you were in the relationship do you think? only you know the answer.

x

Oh good :) Sometimes its hard to put things into text.
I would say definitely not whilst being with him. Yes it was something I had to do, a stepping stone to where I am now. I ended it but he didnt exactly fight for it, and he moved on pretty quickly. Of course I can see why.