So how do I go about leaving the bastard?

[FutureNannyOgg]

So I've decided that I can't carry on with "D"H, things need to move on, but I'm not sure how.

We were about to move house to a new town, before I give birth to DS2, DS1 is a toddler. I will be on maternity leave from a job I never intended to return to (horrible boss, and not compatible or affordable with 2 under 3), but that's it, then it's just SMP from my side of things and only for 9 months. I thought we were going to have to trim the fat to its limits on DH's wage. I have the house we live in now, which I could let, and rent somewhere smaller, but that would only get me about £200 a month after the mortgage. The CSA calculator says he would owe me £70 a week for the 2 kids.

I don't have many friends and no family where I am now, so apart from the house I have nothing to stay for. My mother suggested I move up to be near her, but it's the town I grew up in, it felt dead end when I was 17, I don't feel there is anything for me there. It would be so depressing to have to go back, I want to move on with my life, not regress to where I was in my teens because I don't have a man to support me anymore.

Where do I find out about my financial options? How do I manage with 2 small children on my own? Is it even feasible for me to move out to a town I don't have roots in (but some friends) and start afresh all on my own, or am I just going to have to lean on DM in a town where I have no friends (but some family).

A solicitor or the CAB aren't bad places to start for what you're legally entitled to. If there is a marital home, for example, it could be sold and the proceeds split. Or you may find a way to keep the property on with a contribution from him. All kinds of options. For state help you can check the website Turn2Us Benefits Calculator If you have a job - even with a horrible boss etc - that's well worth keeping hold of as a source of income even if it is financially tight in the early days. Tax Credits can make up some of the shortfal on child-care. Weigh up all the options and then you'll have a better plan. Good luck

You won't be on your own though, your dh will share care won't he??

Do you really want to move far away from the person you're sharing the caring with even if the relationship between the two of you is over? Won't that make it quite hard to manage?

Thanks Cogito, I will look into that. My job was actually making me psychologically unwell, if I can get something else, I would rather do that. I was supposed to be becoming self-employed.

Laurie, I have no idea where DH intends to be. He moved here to live with me, in the house I already owned. I doubt that he would stay here if I moved, or even if I didn't, he's already talking about going elsewhere. He's not very responsible with DS and I'm not sure what the arrangements would be, but he wouldn't have him for a substantial portion of the time. DS2 will also be breastfed, so there will be a reliance on me regardless, for a good while anyhow. I have a feeling that once "free" of our relationship he would go back to his bachelor life and forget about us, he has been trying to do that for 2 years as it is.

for you. What an arse, he needs to see his children and help you raise them.