Clashes with DP - unhappy, how do I cope?

[loeeloee]

DH is generally very good but I am frequently left utterly miserable by him cancelling family plans because of work.

He's a professor and works very hard, frequently away from family home for extended periods.

Today is the second time this week he has cancelled our going out for dinner as a family.

He was supposed to arrive home at a certain time today but his schedule has changed and he will now be late. He only informed me because I called him. He would not have let me know otherwise.

We have 2 DC under 3. He thinks that because he is working hard to support the family (I'm a SAHM) that he is justified in his behaviour. He doesn't see it as an issue, while I feel horribly let down and disrespected - not because he cancels or extends his time away from home, but because he doesn't think to let me know - he's so focused on his work.

It makes me miserable. How do I cope? I couldn't leave him over this as it isn't serious enough but it is grinding me down severely.

My DP used to do this (he has two jobs). What I did was stop making any arrangements and never ring him again to "remind" him. He now does the lot. My advice is to let it go and see what happens, you're then in a win/win situation anyway as you aren't setting yourself up for a fall even if his side of things don't change.

Make a life for yourself that doesn't rely upon his inclusion. Go out with the family without him. Make new friends and meet up with them. Find interests, book a babysitter, and go along. If he starts to feel excluded he'll make more of an effort to be there. If he doesn't change, at least you'll have a life of your own

academics can get entwined in their work. it is what he is and who he is.
you cant control it when he is at work. he probably doesnt think about anything other than work while at work. you could set a reminder email each day to ping his inbox and ask "what time will you be home?" or at random times. if everyhing else is good and wonderul you have to find a way to live with this "absent minded professor"-ness.

you can at weekends, before he goes into work mode, get him to do family time.

get your own life, your own hobbies/friends/interests.