Does anyone think this is normal?

[motherofthreegirls]

Sorry, this probably isn't nearly as serious as the things everyone else has posted here and I could write mails on all of the subjects I've read. But right now I'm looking for perspective on one thing. Ever since his mother died 10 years ago, my husband has kissed her photograph when he leaves the house. If he goes away, he takes her photo with him and sleeps with it under his pillow. I think it's totally weird and abnormal; he thinks I'm a heartless bitch. I have huge problems having sex with him because to me it is a total turn-off to walk down the stairs and see him snogging his mother - it repels me. Am I overreacting here or is it really strange. I mean, we all laugh about Jimmy Saville still living in his mum's house and never touching any of her stuff all his life... but what's the difference?

I personally think it is a bit odd.
Probably more the photo being under pillow thing more than anything else.

Hmmmm....I think that's a bit weird personally. My DH lost his mum and My darling dad died a few years ago and neither of us sleep with a pic of them under our pillows! Grief is so personal, but if I'm honest I would also find it a bit of a turn off if DH did that.

Well personally I also think it's odd and I see your point about it putting you off sex. Were they particularly close?

Is it a snog or a peck ?? The pillow thing is weird though,

Why cant he just have her picture up in the room somewhere like everybody else would ??

Yep, it's weird.

It's...strange. Were they very close? Did he rely on her a lot emotionally?

It is a bit odd. My ex aadored his father, really worshipped him, but he has never done this!

Smacks of guilt to me, perhaps he will feel that unless he does that then he didnt/doesnt love her enough. Was she perhaps a bit emotionally demanding with him, so he is still carrying guilt she lumped onto him when she was alive?

My friends mum had a minor breakdown when she realised that attending my friends wedding would mean her not being able to visit her mothers grave as she usually did. Her mother had made her promise to "not forget her" and visit her every week. She was very manipulative with my friends mum thoughout her life and this definitely carried on afterwards. She did consider not going and tried and tried to get my friend to get married on a weekday so it wasnt an issue. My friend stood her ground and it was good because friends mum realised that the world didnt end just because she missed a week, and that she hadnt forgotten her mum because of it either.

Would he consider bereavement counselling?

Yes, weird. Have a word with him.

Sorry, that wasnt clear. My friends mum considered not going to my friends wedding because of it.

I think he only sleeps with under pillow when he goes away. Still weird though. Does he also take pics of you and the kids with him?

Whenever anyone asks a question like yours has been phrased it's inevitable that the answer is going to be a resounding 'NO'

On the other hand, he's not doing any harm and if it brings him comfort is it really such a big deal?

Given that this is the way he reveres the memory of his late mama, if I were you I'd want to know what he intends to do if you join the choir immortal before he does.

I'd be a tad concerned that he'll have you stuffed by the local taxidermist, hang your head on the wall, and use your body as a cold hot water bottle

No I'm afraid I find it very odd. I think my late dad would have been mortified if he thought I'd carry on like that about him.

I don?t think it?s odd at all, actually I think it?s quite sweet that he loved his mother so much. Everyone deals with grief differently. Regarding sex I think you need to get a grip its not like he is kissing the photo while having sex with you. Sounds to me like you?re using it as an excuse.

No, oiloverhere, that's true, but we will go to the bedroom to have sex and then he'll ask me to wait a minute while he just goes to phone his dad to say goodnight...

It sounds more OCD than anything....or even like a superstition...habits are hard to break...like knocking on wood, or saluting one magpie.

OP, I agree with you, I would find this too much. I don't want to judge someone who is struggling with the loss of their mum but 10 years is a long time and we ARE all different but yes, I agree I would find this behaviour very difficult to cope with.

Was he an only child? Sometimes their relationship with their parents can be a bit more intense.