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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Am I tottally going insane or a total bitch

13 replies

givemeaslap · 18/04/2012 10:39

Hi guys have name changed for obvious reasons,

I am happily married and have just started ttc#2 so no idea where this has come from.

Weird thing happened to me yesterday, was on fb and noticed my ex was on-line (now this was an ex back when we were 13/16 years old) am now in early 20's.

We were just catching up chatting about life and what we've been up to since we have seen each other, (he moved away when he left school and has only just recently moved back)

Anyway he was saying how he hasn't changed that much over the years and I said how he must of changed a bit, he said yeah maybe a little bit, I asked in what way and he said, he now works allot, is not so much of a dick any more and has a hint of charm.

I replied that aw he wasn't a dick and just laughed about the charm part.

He then said that yeah he was and he wished he had treated people better me included.
and then said oh well all a little bit to late.

Its weird It made me feel strange and cant stop thinking about it and dont know what's wrong with me.

Just need some1 to slap me out of it really

OP posts:

Hattytown · 18/04/2012 11:42

It's dangerous territory because although you'll be loathe to admit it, you were fishing and he was anxious to prove that he's now a catch.

It means nothing about your marriage or your feelings about your husband. It just means that there's something going on with you at the moment where you need validation from somewhere else. Lots of people look to blame their partners for that 'need' or assume there must be something they are missing from their relationship, which is an excuse to put the blame elsewhere rather than take personal responsibility for it. Look at yourself first and foremost and be honest about what you were doing and why.

If you value your marriage and your own integrity, put a stop to it and draw a line. Tell him you're happily married and it was nice catching up. Wish him well and be done with it. If you stop fishing and giving him 'cues' he will give up and realise he will get nowhere, because there are no 'chinks' in your armour.

Mumsyblouse · 18/04/2012 11:47

If you stop there, there's no great harm done. The harm would come if you started carrying on the conversation, flirting more, and getting carried away with the whole situation.

It's not wrong to have a fond memory from the past in an idle 'what if' daydream. It's folly to act on it in real life. But don't be too hard on yourself, it's nice to think someone liked you as well as your lovely partner.

boringnickname · 18/04/2012 11:48

Here, have a slap - forget it :) i bet he was and is still a nob

Original poster

givemeaslap · 18/04/2012 12:04

thanks all, and thanks for the slap boring

still feeling weird tho

OP posts:

PillarBoxRedRoses · 18/04/2012 12:12

The 'weirdness' will pass - and quicker than you think. Stop contacting him, stop thinking about him and enjoy your husband and marriage.

I had a brief thing for a sports instructor. It lasted 2 days but was bizarrely intense. Now I look at him and wonder what made me go so mad. He's horrible!

Original poster

givemeaslap · 18/04/2012 12:16

so that fact that were chatting at the moment is probably not such I good idea?

OP posts:

Hattytown · 18/04/2012 12:17

No it's not and you know that, don't you?

Original poster

givemeaslap · 18/04/2012 12:19

Yeah I know, i wouldnt of posted on here about it if i thought it was ok.
Need my laptop and phone confiscated and i cant seem to help myself so many bloody emotions right now

OP posts:

CherryBlossom27 · 18/04/2012 12:22

Erm... Yes best to say something like "it was good catching up, see you later" and leave it at that. Even though it was all a long time ago, your DH probably wouldn't like it much, and how would you feel if it was your DH and his ex? No harm has been done though.

jen127 · 18/04/2012 13:38

you are just daydreaming for what might have been ! Was there this week with an ex colleague via FB. Say goodbye and wish him well. Its in the past>

AstroidPrincess · 18/04/2012 13:47

He's still a nob or he wouldn't be hinting and suggesting that he's available, and more mature, and so therefore more of a catch. Concentrate on your real relationship and not those on-online, which tend to be based on 40% reality 60%fantasy.

You wouldn't like it if the situation was reversed would you?

So don't go anywhere with this, if you're not sure you'll like the final destination.

Facebook has a lot to answer for.

Original poster

givemeaslap · 18/04/2012 13:52

I know it does i hate facebook right now.

OP posts:

Hattytown · 18/04/2012 14:33

Well if you'd phoned him out of the blue or he'd phoned you, the warning bells would have sounded a bit louder perhaps because that requires a bit more effort and is more indicative of intent. But because Facebook is a lazy way to get in contact and catching up with old flames has been so normalised through social networking, people end up re-enacting very inadvisable relationships through its medium. But it's not Facebook's fault of course. It's down to you and him and no-one else. I also think people have got less of an excuse these days to claim innocence about the risk of flirting with old flames. There's been enough newpaper copy about affairs conducted through social networking sites for everyone to know the risks.

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