dear Mum, no, you're not being social, you're just being annoying... and making everyone around you uncomfortable

[Anna1976]

Does anyone else have family members who have really annoying lack of insight about their social habits?

My mother thinks she's the bees' knees about being a social butterfly, and on applying the rules of social behaviour appropriate for a cocktail party circa 1955. She is utterly convinced that her witty hilarious social banter is how we should all be behaving, and that my father and I are social morons. She spends a lot of time chivvying us along in social situations, being increasingly irritating (I think she would call it "being socially lively"). Eventually my father snaps and snarls at her. She then chivvies everyone along further and tells everyone more hilarious stories about all the other occasions he's embarrassed everyone by being bad-tempered.

All 3 of us are on the autistic spectrum. My father and I self-monitor and have some insight into what sort of effort we need to make to have "normal" social interactions that don't make others deeply uncomfortable.

My mother has no insight at all.

Anyone got any blackly funny tales from their own family, to cheer me up from the latest train wreck of social interaction?

My father is a lovely, gentle man who doesn't remember names or people's histories, so he can be guaranteed to put his foot in it.

My mother once briefed him before an event about everyone coming, including that her colleague A was going to be there with her new boyfriend who was about 20 years younger. Father nodded along to all of this sagely. On meeting A and partner he immediately said: 'Oh, is this your son?' A was not amused.

Your mum sounds a bit like Bridget jones' mum. Is that the sort of thing you mean? If so you have my sympathies.

I actually think your Dad is in the wrong for snapping and snarling at her, presumably in front of everyone. Nothing is more embarrassing than someone acting nastily or putting someone else down.

Cheer up, your Mum sounds fab. I love people that are "gay" (in the old fashioned sense of the word) and have fun stories to tell. Better than just sitting there making small talk.

If it makes you feel better, my mum once got really pissed on holiday about 9 years ago and started insulting the woman on the next table (laughing at her and saying she had a big nose). I always wondered why my mum only ever had one glass of wine or a gin and tonic when we were out and now I know why.

I can't quite remember Bridget Jones' mum - will have to read it again...

It takes a fair bit for my Dad to snap - she is really really unpleasant - he will snap after several hours of being chivvied along with lots of little tales about what an idiot he is and how my Mum came out on top.

She does it to me too - my sister joins in - they act like utter cows and then say it's all me and my dad's fault because we are morons and have no sense of humour. They pull the conversation around to being about things like how my sister has wonderfully beautiful thick wavy hair and how it's so utterly hilarious that my hair is thin and straggly - "ooh how funny! you can see Anna's bald patch!!!! what a gas! hehehe she never really did know how to dress did she, remember the time when she was 4 years old and someone thought she was a boy because she was so ugly?! ohh how funny!"

There's a difference between being "gay" (in the old fashioned sense of the word) and being a complete bitch and making everyone in the room uncomfortable with how nasty you are being.

yes actually quite like Bridget jones' mum. Though somewhat nastier. I wish I could wind back the clock to the point where my mother went from being merely clueless socially, to adopting the behaviour of a posse of bitchy schoolgirls. I'm sure it was a survival strategy for her at the time but it's become a grotesque caricature, combined with relentless picking on family members. Her general lack of insight makes me think that things could have been very different if somoene had given her a better set of rules to live by...