husband has left

[monkey234]

Hello. I am new on here and hoping for some advice. My family and I (husband and 3 daughters) moved to Germany two and a half years ago for my husbands work. We live in such a beautiful place but it has taken a while for my daughters to settle into schools etc. We have been together 15 years, married for 12 and as far as I was concerned happy, apart from the normal arguement now and then. I knew something was wrong in September because he started to take more care of himself, had 2 phones that were constantly by his side, denied me as a friend on FB and generally distancing himself from me. This all coincided with his promotion. By Christmas I was getting really worried and asked him if there was someone else because if he is going to leave then I would like to go back to England. He told me beginning of Feb that there was someone else and left. There has been no chance of counselling or even discussing it as far as he is concerned it's over. She is a colleague of his that has a daughter and has met me and my children. No it is coming to a divorce which is hard to deal with but deal with it I must. Problem is by law I must stay in Germany. I wanted to know peoples opionions about telling children the truth because they see me as the bad one and poor daddy (who has turned into Disney Dad) is all alone!

Which law is saying you must stay in Germany?

So sorry you're going through this monkey.

If he's met someone else and that's the reason he's leaving I don't see why you would need to keep that from your children.

That is not true. You do not need to stay in Germany. Both Germany and the UK are members of the EU. You can go wherever you like, the only people who may be difficult about this is the family court because they may want the children to be close to both parents. My friend who lived in the UK was told by social services that she was not allowed to move to Scotland after her husband had left her because they wanted her to stay put so the kids could see their dad on a regular basis. She packed her bags and went anyway to be close to her family which was her best support network. She has been living happily ever after in Scotland ever since.

If you want to go back to the UK there is no reason why you should stay put in Germany. He left. Perhaps it would be a good idea to ask for advice from the CAB via their website.

Good Luck. Hope it all works out for you.

Do you work?
A friend of mine splt with her DH while they were both in Germany (they were both British Nationals) Initially the wife moved back to the UK with her DD.

The DD returned to Germany because of consistancy with regards to her education.
Although the wife had been left for another woman, what was best for the DD was always paramount.
I don't know what the legal position is, are the ages of your children significant?

I would be honest with the Dc's about what has happened, they must have friends who have suffered similar, and depending again on their age, should be told the truth that Daddy doesn't love Mummy any more, but still loves them etc.

Is he saying you have to stay in Germany?

Assuming your children were born in the UK, and have british passports, I very much doubt anyone can force you to stay in Germany anyway.

I don't know how old your children are, but I think you can tell them in an age-appropriate way, as long as its sensitive and done in a loving way, as there may be tears .

Can't think of an example, but something on lines of "Daddy wasn't happy being with mummy anymore and met a new friend ... but he still loves you ... we will have to make a new home for ourselves". Sounds v as I write it.

I meant to add, but the truth is better. Otherwise children are dealing with reality in a way that feels unreal to them, as they will sense some aspects of the truth. Children, though they have a deep wish for a happy family, also often have strong "spider" senses about reality.

Are you there monkey?