My life is in crisis.I need to get this off my chest.

[tiredmama]

Been married for 11years with 2 young kids.I knew my husband for. avery short time before I married him and I was 25 and he was 30.Over the years, I feel I have changed and so have my expectations of marriage and if I were asked to make that choice today,I wouldnt have married him.Every waking moment I think about how unhappy I am and how trapped I feel.When I see my friends or sister with their husbands,I feel this huge pang of envy and regret.I am not attracted to him anymore and we havent had sex in 3months.I do not ever say I love you to him even when he says it.He is successful,popular and a good man.But I feel I have grown out of this relationship and I want out .All our discussions end in huge arguments when we end up calling each other things that I would not ever dream of repeating here.I resent the way he speaks, the way he eats, the way he walks and end up nagging him constantly which in turn leads to more arguments.There is always a low level of sniping going on.I worry about what we are doing to our children, but I am feeling so low and so suffocated.
My sister and her husband always hold hands and I just cannot bring myself to do that pr even touch my husband.We have huge embarassingrows infront of our families which destroys the atmosphere almost everytime.
Is this resentment normal in a marriage after a time?I have thought about counselling as I am keen to avoid divorce for the sake of the children and we have so many joint assets that separation would be nightmare but will counselling help if I have basically come to dislike everything the man I am married to does?
I cannot speak to friends as I feel embarassed nor to my family who being very nervous will start worrying incessantly.
Is this something some of you have gone through and survived?

How old are your kids?

Oh goodness, what a stressful time for you. First off, get counselling together as whatever happens, you are damaging your children, not to mention making it stressful for you both and family and friends. Is is really dh or your wider frustrations at life which is making you angry? My parents have a very unhappy marriage, constant bickering, loathing, disgust, lack of respect, through to throwing things and violence. Believe me, I wish they had split up when we were children. But they are still together and still unhappy. I guess counselling will help you decide and at least both behave in a mature way which lessens the impact on your kids.

You have to do something. It's not fair on any of you that you behave in this way.

I think you should have counselling yourself to work through your feelings. I wonder whether you have a problem with depression, too. When I read the OP, if you hadn't stated your age then I would have thought you were menopausal - that level of anger and irritation is something I associate with my own feelings during the menopause (before I found HRT.) The reason I think you might be depressed is because you are dwelling on things - you say every day you think about these things. I remember that feeling so strongly.

Please seek help. You realise your children are unhappy and your family is worried about you, don't you?

My son is 6 and daughter is 2.Yes,half my hair has gone grey with the worrying and introspection.I think my life in general is pretty ok with a successful career, good friends and a loving family.So iI do not think it is frustration towards it.It is solely my marriage causing me distress.There is a constant uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach when i think of my life.I feel alone.Its rubbish.If only I had a clock to turn back the time,that is what I keep wishing for all the time.

My DS is 5 and DD is almost 2. After her birth I really felt distant from DH. I was exhausted and resented the freedom he still had and I felt trapped in my life. i also felt that my life was over whereas if we split up DH would just start again with a 21 year old!

DD has started sleeping through the night and I have started to feel more rational about the situation. I also sat down and talked to DH in a non-confrontational way - we didn't try to outdo each other on the "I'm more tired/stressed/etc". I'm starting to look forward now and stop projecting my feelings on to DH.

It does sound like you are depressed.

Does he love you? Does he seem to enjoy being with you?

If you turned back the clock and didn't marry your H you wouldn't have your kids. You can't undo what's been done so spending time thinking about it and wishing things were different is wasted energy. Think about what you want your life to look like in the future, what kind of home life and relationship do you want for you and your kids?

The snipping at your H is hurting your kids, my parents were like that and it was awful.

Get help to work out want you want and need and act on it. You can't live like this.