When is enough enough

[lunalight]

I've been sad and lonely in a relationship for years now. I've reached the point where I want to leave, but have two lovely children and I'm scared that we cannot survive out there. I work a bit, but don't earn much.
I've spent most of my relationship ignored physically and emotionally. he's a good man who works hard and who pays a lot of attention to our children, particularly our sporty son, but women, emotions, attention is not his strong point. I really want to call it a day, but something is holding me back? Anyone else been in this situation? I'd love to hear how it turned out for you.

The main thing holding you back is your fear that you can't survive solo. Fear is stronger if you don't know what to expect. When you are taking a big step you will need to be well-prepared in order to make the final leap. To help resolve that I'd suggest you get well armed on what you'd be entitled to legally by talking to a solicitor and also financially using things like the Turn2Us Benefits Calculator

I should have said at the outset, of course... does he know you feel this way?

Enough is enough when your personal limit is reached. Only you can be the judge of that.

Working on the concrete aspects of the puzzle will help to make it less of an "unknown" and therefore less frightening to you (all change is frightening; it's normal to feel you want to hold back from fear of the unknown).

For example:

• Find out through CAB and a benefits calculator what you would be entitled to financially if you split.
• With that information in hand, start visualising where you would live (current family home? smaller rented place? ...?), how you would live, etc.

There are always way to make it work. But yes, it will be different to how your life is now.