Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

I have an embarassing problem (sex related)

16 replies

SpringHasSprungALeak · 15/04/2012 21:32

I have been on anti-depressants for 12 months and in that time have found it takes me a long time to orgasm. I have been in my first sexual relationship for 6 months and am yet to orgasm during sex. In order for me to orgasm I have to masturbate after sex and it takes a good 20 minutes for me to orgasm. My boyfriend is very patient with me but it is really getting me down. It wouldn't be so bad if I orgasmed within 10 minutes of sex but sometimes it can be 30 minutes. 20 minutes is average.

I also find that my boyfriend touching my genitals is more irritating than pleasurable and I have to ask him to stop. He thinks he is no good (first sexual relationship for either of us) but I know it is me not him.

Any suggestions/thoughts/advice/words of wisdom would be much appreciated

OP posts:

pippala · 15/04/2012 21:37

Unfortunatly it is a known side effect!
I am on citrolpram and have the same problem but invested in a rabbit which has certainly speeded things up as I was very concerned that I was keeping my Oh "waiting" too long!

anniebunny · 15/04/2012 21:37

This is a very common side effect of SSRI type anti depressants sadly and there isn't much that you can do about it apart from change to a different type of drug. The tricyclics have less sexual side effects (but have others instead like dry mouth). If it is causing problems for you have a talk to your GP about changing to a different drug (but it will take a while to come off one and start on another so not an instant cure).

danni99 · 15/04/2012 21:40

dont be embarrased about this. I have exactly the same problem except it was my man who wasnt having an orgasm during sex. the other way round.

Original poster

SpringHasSprungALeak · 15/04/2012 21:45

It's good to know I'm not alone. I had read that citalopram causes this side effect. Pippala, I feel like I am keeping my OH waiting as well. He is patient with me but I know that he gets bored. I have him help me (nipple stimulation etc)

OP posts:

oikopolis · 15/04/2012 21:54

i was on citalopram very briefly once, during a time of massive stress when i felt i wasn't coping...

the effect on my sex life/ability to orgasm was enough for me to wean myself off within a few weeks of them taking effect. i take my hat off to you for sticking with it! it was bad enough for me that i preferred to struggle through the (thankfully temporary) stress of the time.

you can ask the GP to prescribe bupropion to complement the citalopram. it tends to offset the sexual side effects of citalopram.

you are not alone! this is incredibly common.

DadIsSad · 15/04/2012 23:19

I was on Citalopram and had a similar issue (not that we're having sex, but I don't have to spell out how I know). Have switched to Lofepramine (a tricyclic - supposedly a bit old-fashioned?) and no longer have this problem - in anticipation that at some point we might manage sex again, in which case delayed ejaculation would be a complete nightmare (I wouldn't have even wanted to try knowing about the issue - convinced there's no way I'd have ever made it having sex). I have to admit I'm not 100% sure it was a direct effect of the drug, rather than an effect of knowing it was likely to be an issue and worrying about it.

Can't say I've noticed any other side effects of either drug - but then neither am I convinced they've actually done me any good. I only tend to browse the forums on mumsnet when I'm feeling a bit down...

TapirBackRider · 16/04/2012 02:54

I was on fluoxetine for a while, and had this problem. It was bad enough that I asked the gp to be moved to a different drug, as losing the ability to orgasm was making my depression worse.

Starwisher · 16/04/2012 03:05

Im not sure about the effects of your medicine, but Why dont you just masturbate during sex?

Loads of women cannot orgasam through penetration alone. Why not stimulate your clitoris during intercourse? Im sure your dp wont mind...

Also 20-30 minutes to orgasam is fine. I would stop timing yourself its only going to inhibit you if feel there is a "deadline."

I guarantee as soon as you start to worry about having an orgasam then you wont. Relax, focus on the pleasure in the present, dont even think about climaxing and let your imagination run a little wild....

oikopolis · 16/04/2012 03:20

starwisher while i was on citalopram, for me the problem wasn't orgasming during vaginal sex -- that's never really happened for me (except, bizarrely, during pregnancy) and it's not something we've ever bothered to achieve.

the problem was that is was difficult to orgasm at ALL, no matter what technique was used. and we had a trusted repertoire iyswim! even solo (i.e. no chance of "stagefright") it was a problem.

i understood the OP to mean the same thing. that's what the side-effect of the A-D is -- sexual dysfunction, i.e. a change in brain chemistry. not loss of sensation in the vagina or anything like that.

TapirBackRider · 16/04/2012 03:27

Starwisher I worded it very badly, and should have also added that not only did I lose the ability to orgasm, but the ability to be aroused. Masturbation was out of the question for me, as it didn't matter what I was doing, nothing worked.

Starwisher · 16/04/2012 03:29

Ok, well I am not familiar with these medications so am not best placed

However, op can orgasam, but can only orgasam through masturbation. Therefore would suggest to incoporate that during the actual sex, as part of foreplay and during intercourse.

DinahMoHum · 16/04/2012 06:58

im on venlafaxine, and it now definitely takes me longer to orgasm than it used to. Sometimes its not too long but Sometimes i feel on the brink for ages and like its never going to happen. It can be frustrating.

Weirdly though, my sex drive is higher than before i went on them.

catsareevil · 16/04/2012 07:04

It is a recognised side effect, if you go back to your GP they will be able to talk through the medication options with you.

4aminsomniac · 16/04/2012 07:04

Another one here! For me, any of the SSRI ad's turn off my ability to orgasm completely. So, I think you're lucky to just have to take longer ...!

talkingnonsense · 16/04/2012 07:45

In the plus side, is a really nice thing to recover when you come off them!

AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 16/04/2012 08:00

If you're enjoying sex then that's a positive thing....I second the poster who said to incorporate masturbation within actual sex...it can enhance the experience for both partners. 20 minutes is no time! 10 minutes for sex is very fast actually...are you having a decent mount of foreplay before you actually have penatrative sex? You could try mutual masturation too.

Flip