Does your oh make remarks about your weight?

[LapOfTheGods]

My cousin has just introduce me to her fiancé. They are staying here and since last night he has made two separate remarks about her weight. That's she's too big to fit past a chair in our kitchen and that she shouldnt sit on toddler chair because she break it. He seems to find it really funny. She is sensitive about her weight and trying to lose weight.

Would you be ok with this if you were her? Both times has been in front of a group of family members. She put on weight due to depression at losing a loved one. She laughs the comments off but I feel like telling her to tell him to button it!

I mean saying it to her grandad is very misguided and shows a lack of understanding and respect surely. I know I'm still harping on but they are not even married yet. What happens when they have kids and she puts on weight, will he be as insensitive... If my partner ever did that to me, he would get an earful in private. Hope that's what my cousin is doing.

So was this the first time you'd met the man and he's looking at you thinking you will collude with him in a joke at his fiancee's expense? That is shocking.

I think you should say something to her. She's engaged - it's not too late. If she asks what you think of him, I'd say, "Oh yes, he seemed nice, but I didn't like his comments about your weight. Does he always talk about you like that?"

Mind you, I don't doubt she noticed your reaction when he said it and won't ask you the question.

She won't ask me the question because she's decided she loves him and is marrying him. I suppose we all go through it, defining boundaries etc.

You're probably wise to keep out of it, but it rings warning bells for me. If he's belittling her at the start of a relationship it really doesn't suggest they'll have a long and happy life together.

DH never makes remarks about my weight except to say he likes it when I'm more confident physically, which I am when slimmer. But he is complimentary whether I'm size 10 or 14. (He did politely complain when I got too skinny at one point, but that was because I wasn't eating, so it was caring, not judgemental.)

He's joked about her weight to, or in front of, her family members - and he's done so on the first occasion that he's met you and while you're hosting his stay in your home.

Quite apart from the fact that he's an insensitive twat, he clearly has no manners,

If someone behaved in that way to any of my friends or family members, I'd ask them what finishing school they went to and recommend that they ask for their money back.

And if subsequently asked what I thought of the 'gentleman', I'd voice my reservations without hesitation.

IMO manners maketh man and this eejit is half-baked.

I hope your cousin jilts him- and keeps the ring.

She's a size 14 and he's making jokes about her being fat!! Tosser!

If anyone in my company made comments like that I would say something along the lines of "Gosh do you mean to be so rude?".

I have always been a size 8/10 so never had weight issues but I hate any man making comments about a women's weight. It just makes me think they are dicks idiots and I wouldn't want anyone I knew marrying them.

To be fair though, if it was anything more than immature twatishness and he was actually a bit of a bully, surely he would know to behave impeccably infront of family and only do it in private, if he realise how wrong it was but enjoyed it... So I could be overreacting and he's just a twat rather than someone who might make her miserable.

But Lap, even if it's out of thoughtlessness not cruelty, it shows a tendency towards putting people down in front of others. Even if this is learned behaviour and not intentionally mean, it's still dangerous. Living with that over a life time, especially if she;s ever dependent on him when her kids are small and she's even larger, could lead to unhappiness.

Maybe he was teasing her about her own attitudes to her weight because he thinks she's fine. If he says anything again, why not ask him outright: do you think she's overweight? and see how he reacts.

I couldnt ask him that, as she feels she's overweight and it would be embarrassing to her. If he does it again, I will say to her, you need to teach him some manners in a light hearted way... Don't want to embarrass her further.

I think she will need tonlearn to set boundaries with him and maybe they are still in that process.

I think he needs to be pulled up on it. Maybe stare at him and say, "that's not funny".