you see, in my eyes most of the time my dh is a lazy, untidy fucker who does as little as possible around the house or with our 2 dds.
He has told me numerous times that I just need to tell him what needs doing and he will do it. So sometimes I do that but it makes me feel like a constant nag, and most of what I ask him to do still doesn't get done anyway. When I ask him why he hasn't done what I asked him to do he says that he will do the things I ask him to do but in his own time, not mine. Fair enough in theory, but seriously, he will just never get around to doing most things I have asked.
So I try the other tactic - saying nothing. And he does nothing. For example, I had to take dd2 (5 weeks old) out for a medical appointment this morning. I left straight after breakfast. We were gone 2 hours. I returned to find all the breakfast things still out on the table including dirty dishes, nothing tidied anywhere in the house, his work stuff still dumped in the middle of the lounge floor from last night, dd1 still in pyjamas etc. When I said something (couldn't resist) he said he and dd1 had been playing. Well ok, that's nice, but all this stuff still needs doing and it's now lunchtime. I'm now breastfeeding dd2 and he is now on the computer, dd1 still in pjs playing by herself, and the house still a total tip.
The thing is, I question myself and how I am treating him. I read on here about controlling partners all the time, who expect their partners to behave how they want them to and get pissed off when they don't comply. Is this me? The thing is, I think me and dh have very different standards and priorities. So is it fair for me to try to control his behaviour with regardsvto the housework?
So as not to drip feed - I normally work full time but am now on mat leave. DH has been a sahd for 18 months (never really did any housework then either and nor was I very happy about his lazy parenting - I did post about that at the time and was told to let him do it his own way). He is now available for agency work and has had some but has been off work for 2 weeks.
In his defence, he uncomplainingly cooks every day, loads / unloads the dishwasher and does basic surface cleaning in the kitchen every day, and takes the bins out every week. These things he does without prompting. He does nothing else.
Is it reasonable of me to expect basic clearing and tidying done, and dd1 dressed before lunchtime? Or am I being controlling? I am genuinely confused.
I could add so much more (about his constant use of iPhone / iPad / computer, for example) but this is already too long.