Am I odd or is DH being a bit weird? Sorry, long.

[ModreB]

So, DH and I had this conversation. I had been due to go out on a friend?s birthday, but decided not to go. Reason being that she generally gets very drunk and stupid, to the point that we regularly have to take her home in a taxi and leave her on her hall floor for her DH to deal with. We are all in our 40?s BTW. I decided that I was not prepared to do that any more, so although I do see her, I avoid situations when she will be drinking.

DH said last night that he thinks that it?s odd that I don?t have close, female friends who are confidants. I am quite self contained, and always have been. I am an only child and happy in my own company. I am perfectly happy at home, with family, or reading a book. I do work full time, and once or twice a year will go on a works night out, but since I became a manager don?t do the drunken partying that some of the others at work get involved with.

DH has 4 sisters, all of whom have close girly friends, which is something that I never needed or feel that I miss out on. DH is very sociable, had hobbies that he goes off and does, and I am quite happy for him to do that. I join in when I want, but to be honest I have done the mad drunken nights out, and feel that I want to be a grown up now.

I am not completely boring, we are due to go and visit the eldest DC at Uni next weekend and fully expect to go out clubbing with him and his mates!

I think that DH feels that I am missing out in some way, and wants me to have a larger circle of friends, so I suppose the question is am I a bit odd or not?

its not odd, just a different upbringing. I dont think that you need to get trashed to demonstrate that you are fun/cool.

It's fine right now OP, to prefer your own company but have you thought about the future and when you're old etc? For example, what happens if your DH passes away before you do, what sort of life do you have planned then? In your old age, if you're alone, will you have a good circle of friends around you?

Also, in your post, you are associating having hobbies and an active social life with going out getting pissed when actually they're not one and the same. I'm a great believer in having hobbies that you enjoy doing which enable you to go out and meet people outside your own family.

Re your mate, it sounds like she has a drink problem if she needs to be carried home at that age so maybe tell her you're not happy to do that any more?

You're going clubbing in a uni town?!?? I can't decide if that's awesome or terrifying

Does your son know you're planning to go out clubbing with him? If you were into that still in your own life, then I'm sure it would be easy to go out with him, but if you're happier sitting home reading (and NOTHING wrong with that) then do you not think you'll look a bit awkward? Do students really want their mum and dad to go out clubbing with them? I know mine wouldn't!

Imperial oh yes, he knows. He quite often comes out with us when he is at home as well. Apparently his Uni mates are looking forward to it.

Hell yes I do have hobbies. I read, do all sorts of crafts, and go to a craft group once a week where we get together and do our thing. I just seem to have a lot of aquaintances, but very few friends.

There's no point in trying to be something you're not, it will make you miserable. There's no rule about how many friends a person should have, though it's as well to have one or two outside your couple-relationship, it's not terribly healthy to expect a partner to meet all your psychological and social needs.

I have friends, but I don't feel the need to confide in people - I'd rather sort out my own problems! Just the way I am, so fully understand.

Having said that, I think with dc off to uni etc., it is important to start doing things that involve other people - I just struggle trying to find the energy!

People have different styles of friendship. I've always had a few close friends, who don't necessarily know each other, then sets of acquaintances or more transient friends from particular times or activities. I like the quieter, longer-lasting one to one friendships but they do go up and down in terms of closeness over time. Like you I'm quite self-contained and don't need constant input or reasurance about everything I do.

Other people like to have a big gang of friends who are all close to each other, into each others' lives and talk about intimate things very openly. I see that as a more 'girly' approach and not my thing, just as pink, heels and make-up are not my thing.

I feel sorry for people who are scared to do things alone and haven't learnt to know and rely on themselves. Each to their own.

FWIW I don't think you're odd at all. You sound completely rational, sorted and happy about your choices. Lucky you! I would just ignore husband's comments.

I've gone through different phases - when I was younger and in a less than happy relationship my close friends were more important and I spent alot of time with them, fixing the world. Since I have been with dh I'm generally more content so whilst I still have friends I don't feel the need for confidants.

Nothing wrong with your approach - I suspect you are a content person who's pretty much self resilient.

Thank you for replying everyone. Smum99 is about right, I am quite self contained, and do have people who I can rely on if needed, and many people do also come to me if they need it and I try to do my best to help. But I don't feel that I need that closeness.

I am and always have been happy in my own company, and have never felt the need to discuss every aspect of my life with anyone, in the way that DH's sisters seem to do. FGS, sometimes it seems that they feel the need to disect everything - including sex lives in graphic detail which I would never consider doing

I might ask DH if he would like me to discuss our intimate relations with his sisters, or a friend to build up the sort of friendship that he seems to think I am lacking