Worried it's over between me and DH

[sad1today]

How do you know when it's over? I'm sick of the fighting and of the way he treats me. Sure he'd say the same. But he thought of splitting up is heartbreaking. But I'm not sure I love him any more.

feel so low. It feels so recent that we were making our vows, how has it come to this?

You do sometimes feel like that in a long relationship but would need a bit more detail to comment tbh.How does he treat you?

Don't want to leave this unanswered - what are you fighting about? When did thus start? Anything else going on that could affect you both?

I can only speak for myself S1t, but my love for my ex was like a great big heart, and he kept chipping away at my love for him and it was never growing back... ie he never did anything nice that made me go awww in the end there was no love left...
as soon as I had that sort of light bulb moment where I realised I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with him I felt instant relief... I knew the children could not grow up in that environment.
We had had several chats over the years about our relationship but he never changed....
I never wanted another serious relationship but I am now engaged to a wonderful man who is wonderful in every way and haven't looked back
I would say life is too short to stay in a loveless marriage...

sorry posted when I meant to add something else.... have you talked to him about how you feel? do you have any children? how does he treat you?

part of the problem is exactly that, I can't talk to him. He shuts down and gets cross if I try to talk. But as soon as he has decided that we are over the row, it's back to normal, no talking, no apologies. Well fine, but exactly - each time this happens, another issue goes unresolved and another bit of my love for him is dead.
Most recent argument was about him taking me for granted, I feel like I plan a lot of my life around making his easier, and he doesn't even acknowledge it.

wehave 2 children

I am actually really really sad. Usually after an argument I am angry, want to say my piece and for things to get back to normal. Today I have no desire to do that, and no anger, just sadness that this is how it is. He;s out and I'm pleased.

I really dont know if I want to split. This is the lowest I've ever felt.

I found out a long time ago that other people can't make you happy, you have to make your own happiness... If I was you I'd stop planning your life arround his to make his easier, or you will soon be taken for granted!

I read on MN about the 5 languages of love... its about how we all feel loved in different ways ie some people
like to be told they are loved
like having gifts and suprises (they like the thought behind the gift and suprises)
like having things done for them... (this is mine bf cooks amazing meals)
quality time together
and being touched...

ok so we all probably like all of these but when you know which one would make you or your partner feel most loved and cherished its easier "for your love" to grow back IYSWIM...

I hope I have made sense with my incoherent rambalings...don't give up just yet...

will find a link..

here you go

read the link and see what you think..
have to walk the dogs now... will check back later...

yes, I agree. I need to just look after myself because he won't, and stop running round after him. Problem is I do it because I like to - if I can make his life easier without too much inconvenience to myself then it makes sense to me. But the reverse isn't true. And this week a "little" thing I did for him escalated (not his fault) and ended up with me having to completely change my plans, major inconvenience. And he just acted entitled, no acknowledgement or suggestions of the small things he could do to 'help'.
I need to stop being a martyr. Problem is - I'll look after myself and he can look after himself is fine, btu that's what pulls us apart. I feel harder and more cynical.

will do, thank you. His attitude wil be he is how he is and if I'm not happy then there's nothing he can do :(
Enjoy your walk, I'm going to read the link then go off and do something with me lovely DCs

my

well he's textd me today to say he's sorry we've been arguing and can he do anything to make it up to me. I've told him we'll talk tonight, and tbh that is what he can do to make it up - talk to me when we have problems, not close down. But I'm not even sure I can be bothered. I don't want my marriage to end but we are just going round in circles.

Try the book entitled "Why Women Talk and Men Walk".How to improve Your Relationship without Discussing it.
It is a bit of an eye-opener to be honest. It is also a good book for women who are being abused.
It tells about things from a mans perspective.
Such as men dont want to talk because talking doesnt make them feel better, it makes them feel worse.If they have to talk about problems in a relationship they experience fear, shame and a failure.
It gives lots of help on reconnection, but using different methods that make a man feel comfortable whilst doing it, not just the women.

but why shouldn't I discuss it? That book to me sounds as though it's telling women what's wrong with them and how they need to make concessions. If he had a problem at work he;d discuss it, why don't I get the same courtesy? I'm happy not to talk if that is what he wants but then te problem festers and makes me love him a bit less tbh.
Sorry if this all sounds dramatic. This has gone on for years and each time I've just let it go.

The problem is not that you are discussing it , but the method you are using to discuss it.Rather like you are scrambling the egg but you need to boil it to still get the egg, terrible analogy I know!
Hugging without talking is one of the methods used.It breaks down their defence mechanisms.Makes them much more like they used to be when they went out with you.
I presume the problems at work are often between men?That is a completely different scenario for men.
I realised a long time ago that men are a different species. Apologies to any men reading this.
I know it is a pain to have to be the one to read the book, and sort out marriage problems. I realised a while back that my DH did not sort out problems and I had to keep doing it, because he literally did not know how to. He is incapable.