Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My bloody mother has really upset me....

9 replies

Shiraz · 08/02/2006 14:25

I don't have a fab relationship with my parents, and to be honest only started speaking to them again when i was pg with dd! At 14 they through me out of the house because my dad lost £5 and though i had stolen it. (he found it two days later but never apologised) 6 months later after living at a friends..with no money/support from them...they asked me back..i went home after meeitn them at their local and them saying sorry etc. And 4 months later was told causlly by my monther that my father was not my real dad . However i was not to mention it and she gave me a load of cock and bull. We moved houses..and a few months later they threw me out again (all clothes thrown out of bedroom window onto front lawn) ..for lending my then boyf a CD..

Again i moved to another friends..but a few months down the line when social said i could not claim HB or any money as my parents were still claiming Family Allowance..their parents got fed up and asked me to leave. I lived between hostels and well...we wont go any more on that!
Anyway i moved into town eventaully and rented a house when i had finsihed college and got a job...i then met dp several months later and saw my sisters a couple of times. But that was all.

Anyway last night i rang my mother to tell her about Marks interview and mine on Friday...but she was out. She caled me back..and i was telling her about tehe job and the fact that Mark has to borrow money from MIL or Sil to buy something to wear as his others are ruined. When she commented that i still owe my sister £20....( we borrowed this off my dad a few weeks back for petrol and a pack of nappies as i had some registrations to do at agencies and we had to go to the benefits..) Apparenlty it was the board money my sister has given my dad...and we owe my ssiter it not them..so she is really skint too (she has just turned 18..and she is gutted that we haven't paid her back. I told dad i was paying him it this Friday out of my £70 wages i never thought he would tell my sister to lend me it and we owed her the money! I am appaled.

Then she started banging on that i must be sn idiot as if it were her...she would of received benefits by now..they have an emergency number and all this crap about not having electric meters fitted if you have children under 7..(bear in mind my mother hasn't claimed benefits since i was two as my 'dad' earns 27-30k a year..adn she also now works. She then went on to say that Mark cannot be looking very hard for work...as he should take anything..thing is he is applying but not getting interviews or being told he is too 'experienced' or why does he want to take a step back..blahdy blah! Does she not think tat i have been on the phone to DSS and taxcredits all hours since heis job ended in Decmeber..we've been through hell Since Sept..adn i wasnt asking her for any money...just telling hr what was happening.

I AM SO FRIGGING HURT! They dote on dd but right now i couldn't care less if i never see them again! They offered to help us out then throw all this back at us! We didnt ask for any of this to happen, and both dp and i have always worked hard! In all honesty i feel that she is jelaous that i have had good jobs and been to college..and also that dp is very good at his job..(he got her a job with his last company..one she would NEVER of got off her own back and the money was excellent..but they lost the contract to another firm and she has now lost that job)

Sorry to maoa on, but it took me alot to start a parent daughter relationship with them again, to turst them..talk to them etc..and she turns like this!

Arrgghhhh...dp was really concerned at how much they have upset me.....

OP posts:
Shiraz · 08/02/2006 14:28

apologies for typing..dd sitting on my lap and 'helping'....

OP posts:
mszebra · 08/02/2006 15:02

How old are you, Shiraz?

tangerinecath · 08/02/2006 15:10

(((Shiraz)))
So sorry about your mum, it's the last thing you need on top of everything else. I reckon your parents are being really unfair. You borrowed the money from your dad, after your sister gave it to him, not from your sister. You owe your dad, not your sister. Sounds like he's twisting things to me.

I'm going to be away for a few days from tonight but when I get home I'll find your email address and we can maybe chat on MSN if you get chance over the weekend.

Chin up babe, let me know if there's anything I can do.

C xx

doormat · 08/02/2006 15:35

shiraz I agree with tc that your parents are being really unfair here to you and your dh.

They are being petty IMO.

hugs
xxx

Socci · 08/02/2006 16:01

Message withdrawn

Shiraz · 08/02/2006 16:29

Thanks for your replies ladies! (mszebra i am 24...dp is quite a lot older than i)

Months have been really tough for us of late (as Cath has said)....dp lost his job unfairly and we are putting together a case for unfair dismissal if not constructive along with a solicitor!

We have barely had any money to live on since Sept...as his directors were slashing his wageas by 700-1k a month. I left my job in June last year so he could work more varying hours..as we could not find suitable childcare..they even promised to up his salary quite drastically as his circumstances at work were changing..but then alot happened within the company and it never came to fruition. I went out ealry nov and got a xmas temp job in retail that i hate..averaged on 16 hours, and my contract has been reduced to 4..i;ve several intervies lined up this week and was just wanting a bit of TLC...guess the bridges i thought had been made were not constructed strongly enough.

My mother alwasy said she regretted having me...as she was too young and my real father was violent...I am the spit of he in certain ways and she sometimes could not bare to look at me.

I was treated so disgustingly when i was younger by them..but thought for the sake of my daughter i would give it a go. Thing is dd is so so so so close to them..that it really breaks my heart now. DD may only of just turned two but she idolises them and loves going to stay or go out shopping with them.

Yes my mother and father have twisted everything.Just like they always did. They still twist things now about the past, and that really grates and i have to bite my lip ALOT. DP is so so supportive..and he thinks i am a better person for the fact i had tried to move my relationship on with them for the sake of our family.

I moved back closer to home after having dd...as i felt i had support.....I have jumped everytime the phone has rang today..i daren't answer it incase it's her!

Sorry to blab on....

OP posts:
coppertop · 08/02/2006 16:52

Your parents sound like an absolute nightmare. They should be so proud of you as it sounds as though even when you (and your dp) are being cr*pped on from a great height you do everything in your power to sort things out. I think your parents could learn a lot from you. Good luck.

Shiraz · 08/02/2006 21:58

Thanks Coppertop that really means alot!

Although i must admit that comment has been made by others!

I grew up quickly in my teens, i had too! I carried on with my schooling and went to college. i've always suceeded to have a decent job in admin/customer service and my employers are always delighted with myself, as are my colleagues. Something i have always been proud of. If i were not as strong person as i am my life could of been so different, but even when homeless on several occasions i pushed myself to get out harms way and make my life as good as possible.

I wish i had a strong family network really i do, i lost most of my friends when younger thanks to my parents...as they all got fed up with me being around them and their families!

I hardly have any 'real friends'...as those i have had have moved too pastures new..or we have moved and it's hard to meet etc.

i feel so lonely at times. the only 'friend' i have is do..adn we have been trhough so much that the tediousness of it all has really drained our relationship and in the last few months we have lost the 'spark'.
hopefully and steadily we are regaining it....but this has really not helped! Especialy with two BIG interviews coming for me this Friday....

Thanks again all of you....just for reading and listening!

OP posts:
Shiraz · 09/02/2006 21:11

It's payday tomorrow and i was planning on popping around to my parents to pay them back the money i borrowed last Thursday, and she hinted last week that they wanted dd this weekend too!

But have i had a phonecall asking how things are, wishing me luck for my interviews tomorrow or how dp's interview went? Well erm NO!

I really do not want to go around...but i should pay them the money back..even if it only leaves us £60 for food, petrol and electric..i was still planning on paying it back tomorrow.

I bit my lip as hard as i could throughout the phonecall..but i know that i did 'answer back' a few times! Seems she has really fallen out with me AGAIN!

What should i do?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread