7 months pg and dh has just suggested separation

[cathyearnshaw]

He's right really. We really don't like each other. But I kind of thought that it would change . In the last 3 years we've had 4 rounds of ivf, I've lost 2 babies at 5 months both for totally different reasons and I sort of thought once we'd got over that qe'd perk up. Have a 4 year old dd. I don't work am a sahm.

The thought of labour alone, all the new baby joy squashed because of this - and how the hell will I cope with a newborn and dd alone?

Anyone? Am just about coping with this pg, am still sick and exhausted and no energy for anything let alone dealing with this.

Poor you, a worrying time for you. It sounds as if you have both been through a lot in the last few years. Do you think some counselling might help?

If you don't get it resolved you will cope. If he doesn't come to the labour do you not have a relative / friend who could come instead. After the birth you will cope fine, it will be tough at times but you will get through it.

Sorry to not be more help.

Oh my, you really have gone through the wars, you poor darling.

Big hand here to hold yours through this if you'd like. I have my DD on my own (with family support) and have been bringing her up and have a million reasons to give you to pep you up about how brilliant it is. Now's perhaps not the time though so giving you a big hug tonight. Stay in touch xxx

Just over 8 years ago I was 7 months pregnant with dc 2 (ds was 2.5). Three days before Xmas, he told me he wanted to leave me.

It had taken 3 miscarriages and 4 lots of IVF to get to this stage.

I, too, hoped that the new baby would make him 'see sense' and we would all be a happy family after all.

That didn't happen and he finally moved out when dd was 6 months old. It took til that Xmas to finally realise he was never coming back.

It was hard, I lent an awful lot on my friends and my parents, despite living 1.5 hours away, were my rock.

But do you know what, I look back really, really fondly at those times. It was just me and my gorgeous children. I was in control, they were with me, he was missing out and I felt strong, really strong by the end of it.

I did meet someone else and we have gone on to have dt's, but at times, I do admit I look back and wish it was just me and the kids.

You will cope, he can still come to your labour, the child is after all his. If you don't like each other, there is not point being together.

Just please, please don't let the children think you hate each other. Stay 'friends' for them. My ex and I are actually good friends now. I wouldn't want to get back together with him but I do sometimes think it is SUCH a shame that what happened, happened.

I am waffling now, but your story really struck a cord with me because it is so similar to mine. But you can do it, if you do split up.

Good luck

I, usually, only lurk on the relationships board. Just want to send you the biggest un-mumsnetty (((hug))). You have both been through so much, you particularly. It sounds like your relationship has suffered through all this devastation, to an intolerable point. I have only been through one miscarriage and that affected me so deeply, I can only imagine the pain you have both endured.

I have no advice, but I know you will receive so much compassion and support from the ladies (and gents) here x