I don't THINK I want to get married

[Fizzybee]

this is totally inspired by the other thread nut thought id put my own feelings out and not takeover that one

I've been with dp for 7 years have 2dc
Dp decided to propose after dc1 5 years ago however o don't count it as a real proposal as I never got a ring and we didn't tell anyone at his insistence

he gave me a ring 3 years ago there was no romantic proposal literally just giving of a ring as he was off on a work trip for 6 months . All this time I was really keen on the idea had a folder of wedding stuff going to fayres etc... He never showed much intrest. Exept however telling prop,e about this big wedding he was going to have with x and y it was always were thinking about next year etc.... However he never wanted to book it or save for it.

About 2 years ago I had a difficult mmc and was very down I said I wanted to get married that Xmas ,no more than we could afford just a simple do first he said no I only want to get married at summer time then agreed but wouldn't book anything with me /show intrest then wouldn't tell freinds/family.

In this time I've seen so many couples get married have a happy day together every time there's another wedding it saddens me to see 2 people who've been together hext to no time marry not waiting for a huge wedding or x or y , just happy to have there day and share a married life together.

To him we lived together what's the rush it annoys me that he introduces himself as my husband when he's not and doesn't want to make the effort to be.

So in the last year I've decided I don't want to either get married or be married the more I've thought about it. I'm an independent woman own my own hous cars have savings etc... He badly pays for anything without kicking up a fuss I do 100% Childcare 100% housework I'm better not being legally tied to him if it goes wrong I can keep what's mine

But since I've made it clear I'm not Intrested in marrying him when he puts out his little false hope lines (when we get married etc...) he says he won't stay with me forever if were not married and tells people were not married encase I haven't agreed yet.

I hate the idea of a hug swerving anyway can't think of anything worse than family I don't like staring at me for the day in a situation I'm not comfatble with.

On the other hand it hurts that a load more invatations have dropped through the door and these foliose are having a happy day to commit to a life together as husband and wife I even feel bitter and a bit jelous

This isturnedinto a ramble but I wondered if anyone can make sence of it ?

So you don't want to marry him, but you wish you had the sort of relationship where you'd want to get married?

I think that's so sad, you poor thing.

However - I think you're wise to not legally tie yourself to someone who doesn't want to pay his way in your relationship!

and is unsupportive in the other ways you describe

It sounds like you want the loving relationship that inspire weddings and the happily ever after but you don't want it / thing you can get it with this guy.

So, why are you with this guy? to be honest, it sort of sounds like the wedding / marriage isn't the issue, the relationship is. Married or not, do you want to be with him forever? It doesn't sound like it.

And to be honest, if you don't maybe there would be better partners out there for BOTH of you? Or am I totally off the mark?

Yes you put my head together in less than 2 lines justhecate I wish I had the sort of releshionship where I'd want to get married

Thing is we are tied by the children and life in general over 7 years
I don't think I want to leave him either

I always remember my parents distain at anyone they thought was an "unmarried mother" and I guess inwardly in ashamed at becoming what they hated so much ( not that I agree with them though they were horribly judjmental of anyone outside there middle class box)

I think you are having a lucky escape that he does not want to marry you! (If he did, he would have).

He does not sound like the kind of man to be with, and your relationship does not sound that good, to be honest.

Do you love him?

Lepetite to be honest I don't belive I could have it with anyone I have horribly low self esteem I was bullied every day of my schooldays for everything to being ugly to not being clever enough being to clever and then developed horrific acne at first year of secondary school that continued to the end of my teens i felt lije a lepet and barely trust anyone or have any freinds to this day

So basically you want to get married but not to your partner...

What does your dp bring to the relationship - it isn't sounding like much...

What he brings I often ask myself this ...

I don't have any family and barley any freinds he's the one person who's always there were a family. Without him I'd be totally alone.

Oh dear Fizzy poor you! But even so I think you could do better. Sometimes the hard option is the right one. Sort your self esteem out, counselling if necessary and then see how you feel about him. Your last comment sounds like you could be settling out of fear?

Agree with Lepetit - you need some help to find "you" and build your self esteem. I think if you can do that it will answer the question as to whether you should stay with this man or not.

At the end of the day, every relationship has it ups and downs, but you need common purpose, common future etc. You sound like you are doing everything.

You are allowed to leave him you know OP. There's a big world out there. Lot's of women leave unhappy relationships with children and they thrive, far more than seeing mummy sad. You sound like you've cut yourself off and no matter what age we can find new friends etc.