When a guy....

[JazzyButtons]

Doesn't read between the lines about how you feel about him is it more likely to e an avoiding the issue because he doesn't feel the same, or a wanting it spelled out so that he doesn't get the wrong end of the stick???

How much initiative would a guy use in a situation like this? I'm pretty sure ive been subtly obvious IYKWIM, but he's refusing to 'get' it.

He says snuggling is for relationships, I said where does that leave us, he says r doesn't know, I said that I can see now why it's best left to relationships, he makes a joke about me finally understanding something, I said maybe too late though.... And he's playing dumb now. Arrerggggghhhhhhhh!

Would that be an obvious convo starter about relationship to you??

this book might help you.

good advice izzy. also OP, you are seeing him 2/3 times a week. that is quite alot for someone who has given you no commitment at all. try being unavailable a bit more often. arrange nights in with friends, nights out with friends, night in by yourself with a takeaway and a glass of wine. i am single and love my evenings to myself, i dont think i could give up 3 nights aweek to a person who wont even tell me they want to be with me.

OP he had his defences up at the start. he probably didn't want you to get too 'clingy' (hate that word but i know some people think like this), now he knows he has you coming back on his terms (no commitment, no denial of commitment) he knows he can relax a bit and get his comforts.

Jazzy, the guy I was seeing, bought me gifts, cuddled all the time, joked about a future. Yet we were 'only mates'. I told him not to ever refer to me as a FWB. He had other 'girl mates' and 'exes' ringing up and I kicked him into touch. I feel so much better. Men like these don't want to be thought of as bad lads so come across as caring.

Google 'Emotionally Unavailable' men. It will have you nodding like the Churchill dog.

Why are you being so passive? Your last post seems all about him changing and you just accepting it. Why don't you move away from him when he starts to snuggle up to you?

BTW OP, anyone who sets out the 'no snuggling' boundaries at the start is screaming 'no commitment' to you. if there was any part of you that wanted commtment you should have walked away at that point.

Should read 'acquiescent legover'.

If you're delivering it on a plate, he won't bother to go into the kitchen.

I'm sorry but I think you are being too hopeful and thinking that a snuggle means that you are now in a relationship, it doesn't - he has got more comfortable but in his mind nothing has changed. I suspect he doesn't want to lose this 'relationship' as it's so easy for him but that doesn't mean he really values it.

My dh had just come out of a relationship when we met, we were both cautious but that didn't stop him pursuing and committing to me.

I don't think you can change the course of the relationship from how it started..I really suggest you end it and don't waste time hoping he falls for you.

Sorry OP but I have to say I'd like to shake you (in the nicest possible way of course)

My old dad always said, "Love, if he doesn't want to take you out and pay your cab fare home he's only after a bit of how's your father".

Well we are meeting to talk about things on Tuesday, the next night neither of us astra working. Meeting for coffee at 7.

He was the one that brought up the need for the conversation again, and said he thinks this is the first time he's actually wanted to have this conversation. So we'll see how it goes.

remember that you dont have to go along with whatever he decides he wants. you dont have to accept whatever he offers because it's 'better than nothing'. have a think between now and then about what you actually want. write it down, write down what you dont want and dont base any of it around what he currently is offering or what you hope he will offer. take him completely out of the scenario, imagine he dumps you on tuesday (not saying that will happen) and you are now totally single, no commitments to anyone, have your future ahead of you and can pick your ideal man. what is he like and what is he offering you? what sort of relationship will you have?

Eeek meet-up has been changed to today, half 4. Meeting for coffee so that there are no distractions such as sex or alcohol (personally I could have don with the alcohol for this convo but whatever...)

I'm meeting a friend at 10, to help figure out what I want. But I know that if he says he wants things to stay the same im going to tell him I can't to do that. It's got to be more, or nothing.

All I want is for it to start leading somewhere, for us to go on dates and stuff. This meeting for coffee will be the first time just the two of us have met up away from mine or his.

Wish me luck!!

Ooh am so glad meeting has changed to today - couldn't wait until Tuesday!!

Good luck :) Be strong!

yes good luck. keep your own goals in your mind when talking with him. they are what's important to you.

I wish you luck, but I just wanted to say LISTEN to your instincts. I refused to listen to them, couldn't believe after such great sex, fun, company he would want to keep me at arms length.

Now I can look back without a fuzzy head, I almost blush at my lack of self-respect. I should have run a mile. I'm in a better place now, but, yes, you do have to sometimes read between the lines. Usually with guys who are too cowardly to tell you straight!

We are now officially seeing eachother, both agree that it's been more than just sex for a while now and are going on a date next week when we're both off work :D :D :D

Glad you got the result you wanted, good luck :)

I'm so happy, I stayed at his last night, and it was so nice. We went out for drinks with a couple of his friends after he finished work, and walked home holding hands, something that we didn't do before. Fell asleep all snuggled up, both agree that the change is good, and that we've basically been in a relationship for a while.

He remembered the date we first got together, which I didn't even know, which I thought was sweet. Both agree it just feels right.

Agreed to take things slowly though, because he's got his daughter to think about, he said that she would always come first, which I obviously totally understand, and would expect. This is my first dealing with being in a relationship with someone who has a child, I don't have any children myself, so its going to be a learning experience.

Oh, how nice for you. Now relax and enjoy.

thought I would post a wee update...

been meeting up most of the week, but had our first proper 'date' yesterday, we went to the cinema to see cabin in the woods. really good film btw!

but we are no officially a couple, its facebook official and everything!

He said that He first realised he had proper feelings for me about a month and a half ago, and hadn't been with anyone else since then. so we were basically exclusive 5 weeks before we realised we were haha

so to others who are in a similar situation, it can work out, thank you to the people who told me just to be open and speak to him about it, it worked

Been together 4 weeks now, it's flown by, still as amazing as ever :)

Have met his friends, who I got on great with, which was good

He treats me like a total princess, im being completely spoilt and am loving every minute of it.

Apparently it was pretty early on that e realised he had feelings for me, so In some ways it has been longer than 4 weeks, but we're still counting from the date we were an official 'couple'

Realised I posted this with my older username...