I think I've had enough now

[midwife99]

Im very good at giving level headed advice to mumsnetters going through break because I've been divorced twice myself but am not so good at taking my own advice.

I'm having major problems in my 3rd marriage & have posted on these before. I think I'm getting to the point where I've had enough now. I've been deprived of sex & affection, talked to & looked like a piece of shit, told I'm too fat, unfeminine, a horrible person, threatened with being left with 4 DCs regularly & blamed for everything that pisses him off in every way.

Things cane to a head a couple of weeks ago, he threatened to leave again so I told him to get out then & there. It's my house 100% that I owned before I met him. He went to stay in a hotel & then his parents for a week & set up counselling for us saying that he was sorry for the things he had done & returned full of resolve to change things.

A few months ago he chickened out of a vasectomy on the day of the procedure & so I was sterilised last week. Unfortunately I developed a wound abscess & so spent the whole Easter weekend in hospital & since then he has gone back to his old attitude & is now saying he came back only because we agreed to address my problems in counselling. I've been really unwell this week & yet his attitude is really unpleasant. Eg we ran out of milk today & I asked him to go to the Co op & get some organic which I prefer for DCs. He snarled - I'm not going to the Co op now - its One Stop or nothing. I must have pulled a face as I turned away & he shouted - not good enough for you then? & slammed the door. I'm sick of being spoken to like shit & then blamed for it saying he just reacts to me defensively because of my controlling behaviour. I picked some spaghetti off the floor DD had dropped. & he said - that's something we're going to address in counselling - your OCD. He accuses me of gaslighting & says his behaviour is typical of someone subjected to a bullying abusive relationship.

I feel so weary. Do I grow some balls again say fuck off out of my house this minute or see if the counsellor can help next week?

I don't think I do. He acts as if I've done something terrible to him! Surly, rude, unfriendly & cold.

Midwife99 They do sound very similar. I an identify with the 'own space' thing. My X painted - as a hobby and he took over the conservatory to paint in, never cleared up after himself, the floorcovering was ruined and he used spray pants so there was a fine mist over everything. He then said he wanted to use the spare room, so I cleared all my DS's stuff out, gave good furniture away so he could use it as a studio. He didn't lift a finger to help - and never even set foot in it, prefeing to stay downstairs in consevatiry, so he could keep dragging me into have a lok at his latest masterpiece (in his own head). He never did anything to help around the house - apart from now again making a great show of 'cooking' for us. He left all the bloody mess for muggins to clear up.

I fannied around treading on eggshells trying to make everyone happy, in the process starting to hate him and his childish ways. He was same in regards to any affection, he told everyone how fantastic he was and how much he loved me - the reality was he was cold, ignored me, sex very very occasionally, if I initiated sex - he would tell me to 'get off'! We went months and months without sex. I think now that it was him controlling me because he knew I liked sex.

I just cannot tell you how much better I (and the DC's) felt when he left, from the first minute. And he was apoplectic with rage when I didn't beg him to come back. He was convinced that we wouldn't be able to manage without him. Big mistake pal!

To be fair he does use the office every day as he's self employed but the sentiment is the same. I don't have a room to myself (let alone a cupboard or drawer in any rooms except the bedroom but still it's not good enough for him. Eg right now I'm sitting with DC having a "picnic" in front of tv cos it's raining. He sits alone in the dining room with his lunch & physics books! It's crap

He is a spoilt little bastard, tune him out and his moaning take the quickest steps to unload yourself of the tedious shit. Sorry for that but he needs a reality check quick sharp in honesty. He is home for the perceived comforts and what have you whilst having the utter temerity to shit all over it. Once the comforts are removed, shoudl be a change of tune and as you will have wiped him off your radar...not your problem