To the amazing survivors of sexual abuse - a question

[MoveBiatchGetOutTheWay]

Is it true, or could it be true, in your opinion, if someone thinks they may have been abused (without any particular specific memories), is it likely based on this feeling that they could have been?

It probably sounds like a load of crap, but did any of you block memories or events from your head for years, only to have it all come out suddenly, or even gradually?

Why not ask on survivors thread directly MoveBiatchGetOutTheWay? They seem like a very nice bunch there

I always had all the memories from when I was 8. The only thing that puzzled me was that from the first instance, I hadn't been shocked, just angry that I'd been tried into a particular room with a lie, but hadn't thought any more about it.

When I was about 45 ish, dd, then about 5, tried to stop me talking by placing a hot sweaty mit across my mouth, and it partly blocked my nose. She'd already done this a few times, and I'd told her I didn't like it, and said not to do it. Anyway, this one time, I suddenly saw pictures, of scenes from the past, and the shock was so great, I nearly pushed her out of bed - she'd come into our bed early one morning. The memory was weird, in that it was only in pictures and feelings, so that all I can assume is that this early incident was from before I could talk.

Over the next few days, this gradually developed, with other pictures surfacing to give a more complete history. In this abuse, someone had placed a sweaty hand over my mouth to stop me crying for help, and had partly obscured my nose. It was this that caused the memory to surface. The additional images and feelings came back spontaneously, without any hypnosis or anything like that.

I hope that helps, was wondering why you are asking. Do you think that you may have been abused, and have suppressed it?

If that is the case, there may be a few signs, such as avoiding a particular place, person, or certain things, perhaps even smells. Weird, even now, I get very uncomfortable if I'm in a room, and someone is between me and the window, blocking the light.

I've been wanting to ask a similar question for a while now too, OP, as I've been having some very strange... I can't even call them thoughts, really. It's nothing I can put my finger on - just odd little bits and pieces. I find it difficult to recall much of my childhood until the age of 12/13 for example, like I've blocked it out. The bits I do remember are of me feeling like I'm in a bubble. At the same time, though, I also feel as though, in hindsight, I was extremely sexually aware as a primary age child. But what do you do? It's not like I can ring my mother and say "oh by the way, I've been wondering recently if something horrible happened when I was little?"

I'll be watching this thread with interest.

Oh - tb talks about the non memories much better than I did. Sorry you're feeling like that, both of you.

I suppressed the memories for years, unconciously avoiding triggers.

The it did all come back and no I wasn't surprised.

There's lots of support on the survivor thread, you are more than welcome there, unless you feel more comfortable here at present but you will always be welcome there it can get a bit quick though

And that means anybody is welcome, MB, TB and Twill, anyone.

It's a place to air thoughts, ask questions, find reassurance and support, am waffling as ill

I blocked memories for years- until I left home at 19. All came out after that.

It's very very common to block memories out and for them to just pop back into your mind years and years later. That can happen for any traumatic event by the way, not just abuse. I had totally blocked out all the abuse I suffered until I was a teenager and my boyfriend was pressuring me for sex. An early incident came back to me very clearly and I knew, without remembering as such, that there was more. Since then things have come back to me slowly, and I still feel like there are things I haven't fully remembered.

Incidentally I had also blocked out memories from about the time my sister was born because she was very ill and my parents were distraught - much to my embarrassment at the time I was in drama class at about 17 and the teacher asked us about a sad incident in our lives, I started talking about my sister and an avalanche of terrible memories came back, resulting in me sobbing inconsolably in front of the class . I think as a child your brain stores things it can't quite deal with and then later incidents bring them out. It's easy to doubt those memories because you feel like they're "new" but they're just as reliable as any other memories, they've just been hidden.

Absolutely yes your brain stores things away and then lets them out when you are 'ready.' I use that term relatively.

I think gut instinct is very important. If you have an instinct about a person, place or whatever that includes things like fear, shame, guilt, feeling dirty, sick, used and angry - then there may well be abuse memories welling up.

I was abused by an older boy when I was 6.

I 'got paranoid' as I got older as I remembered I used to bed share with my grandad, and I worried that something had happened (no reason to think this). But all my memories and instincts about my grandad feel safe, warm, happy, trusting, unafraid, so I knew that there was nothing buried there for me to worry about (my grandad was more like a dad to me, we were very close).

For me it wasn't a complete forgetting as such, I shut all the bad things away in a box in my mind and refused to ever think about what had happened. When I was 13 I realised that what had happened was wrong, and sexual in nature. Since then I have 'remembered' more details about things I have simply refused to think about before.

A memory of something is not quite that, it's actually a memory of the last ime you thought about it (read that somewhere, must be true!)

Abuse has ruined and controlled my life more than I can ever reveal on here, but rest assured that me and the other sexual abuse survivors are here if you want to talk, about anything at all.

The only reason I'm still here is that I refuse to let that slimy evil bastard win.

Hi

For me it was different as I disassociated from the abuse that I suffered, so I knew I had been abused by my mind split to protect me.

So in a sense I have had to remember over and over but I knew it had happened iyswim.

But the mind will always fight to protect you, if your instincts tell you that something happened to you and that someone hurt you, if you did yourself 'triggered' by certain behaviours or scenarios, then you may well have been abused and were perhaps to young to have a picture memory or you have blocked this on purpose for protection.

But, you need to look after yourself, I am of the opinion that the mind hides things for a reason, so if you decide to explore it further make sure you are safe, that ideally you have someone supportive who knows how to help you explore these fears and feelings safely.

One thing I think is common with all people who live with being abused is that feeling of powerlessness, it is an awful thing and no-one should have to feel that way, it is worth the fight to find a way of overcoming that alone...