Though I think I know already. My P has a huge problem with alcohol and it has been increasingly getting worse since the birth of our DS almost 2 years ago. I knew he was a big drinker when we got together, but I had no idea he would continue to drink very heavily and behave irresponsibly after DS was born - silly me, I thought the manchild would grow up.
The number and extent of incidents is just too great to detail here - it includes a physical attack on me whilst holding a weeks-old DS (arrested and cautioned, I should have left at that point but was terrified at the prospect of being on my own with a 4mo baby). He is unable to leave a container of alcohol untouched and frequently will take a day off work due to his hangover (usually making some excuse about me needing him to be at home for some reason, always a lie) as once he starts on a bender, he will walk to the late night offie and get more beer/wine.
There is a sense of entitlement and resentment from him that I have felt since I finished maternity leave and did not return to work (we moved away from where I worked, so it would have been impossible) - despite the fact that I was propping up our finances from my own savings and paid for 90% of the purchase and refurbishment of the house we bought. I stopped topping up the joint account / paying the food shopping from my savings back in October last year - I showed him where his trips to the offie for booze and fags were amounting to more than our monthly food budget and things did ease for a while, however there has been a gradual return to form over recent months, culminating in this weekend's 6-day bender which forced me to sleep on the floor of DS' room as P had staggered in there at 3am, turned the lights on and attempted to urinate, thinking it was the bathroom. This is passed off the next day as "sleepwalking" and me picking on him for something he has no control over.
FIL is a systemic drinker - cracks the shandy at noon, moves on to G&T at 5pm and spends the post-dinner hours holed up in his study with cans of beer or a bottle of wine, so P thinks his own behaviour is totally acceptable, as he's not drinking every night (prob 4-5 nights a week) and has a long commute/quite high pressured job in professional services.
We moved away from the city where I had spent the previous 11 years working and where most of my friends are to live in the town he is from - I have only made a handful of separate friends, all through DS and none of whom I see on a purely social basis - it's all just playdates. I have been out without my P once in the evening since DS was born almost 2 years ago. We have not been out as a couple since July. We sleep in separate beds, have not had sex in months as I am terrified of getting pregnant again (irrational).
He frequently tells me I am disliked by his family and friends (I barely speak to his parents after their reaction to his physical attack on me), that my own friends don't like me and that I am an unpleasant person. Luckily I have rock solid self esteem (except where it comes to leaving him, for some reason - am I lazy/frightened?) and this washes over me. He frequently - particularly when hungover - verbally abuses me, calling me a cunt etc in front of DS and ignoring my requests for him to stop arguing and to engage with DS / let me engage with DS instead of constantly shouting at me.
I spoke to a solicitor a few months ago who advised me that I can in fact take my DS and move either back to the city I was living in, or up North to my family without P being able to object, as long as I put a good amount of contact in place. I have been offered an excellent job here in the town we live in, but TBH, if I am going to work FT, I would rather earn less money and be close to my family. I just need to grow a pair, get the house on the market (I will take a huge hit on it as the improvements I paid for which have increased the value were not taken into account when we drew up the tenancy in common, but as the solicitor said, what's more precious, the house or having my son with me?)
My options feel as follows: try getting counselling / take the well-paid job and get myself into a better financial position before leaving in a couple of years / take the job and move out locally / just move back home with no job to go to.
Sorry it's so long, I've been thinking about posting for about a year now, burying my head in the sand and hoping things would change. Time to make a decision.