He's had an affair, how do we move on?

[Howdoyoucope]

Found out two weeks ago that my dh has been having an affair for the last five years on and off. He says he wants to stay with me, that he loves me and the kids, that it wasn't because of he wasn't happy etc. I want us to stay together too, I love him. But... I'm struggling to move on, seems like there's a different emotion every hour, I am so bloody sad. Feel so let down because we've had a year of termoil, he gave up his career because he was depressed, we downsized massively and I am now working full time to make ends meet and I supported him all through this change.
Can anyone who's managed to stay together after an affair give me any tips/hope for getting through this.

"No chance of him leaving"- well that's not just his decision to make. It's also yours. He has already taken many choices away from you- house, career, family dynamics. He gave you no choice in the matter when he spent the money you earned on his jollies with OW. You don't have to allow him to hold all the cards over your future.

Hatty's post above is very wise.

Really challenge the dialogue in your head that you must. If you've got children, don't think it's better for them to stay in a marriage with someone with these character flaws because it's not

sage advice. who says you HAVE to stay in this marriage. He sounds diabolical.

Five years is not an affair, it's another relationship.

He two-timed you.

It's shock driving you at the moment. You won't move on and, eventually you won't want to. It's the easier route at first to want to believe them and make the best of it. Change is frightening after all. But once the shocked hurt wears off, what you're left with will become truly offensive. You won't be able to look at him without feeling disgusted, angry, bitter and, one day, you'll tell him to get out.... It's either that or realise that you've actively chosen to be someone's second best choice and then have to muddle on with your self-respect around your ankles. Sorry to be the harbinger of doom. Good luck