Oh for the love of God give me patience

[lolaflores]

DH is on the phone to his dad, listing all the DIY jobs he has done over the Easter break. Currently he is detailing his BBQ cleaning status.
FFS>
He needs permission from his dad to fart. Honestly. It is doing my ever loving brain in. I might go outside and throw the BBQ over the fence, buy a new one and no cleaning discussions.
This is an ongoing issue. His need to get his dads approval.
God help us

His dad's probably posting on another forum going 'dear god my ds won't stop giving me the indepth detail on his BBQ cleaning project, help me someone'!

Why will his dad care? If he says 'that doesn't sound like you've cleaned it right' is your DH going to do it again?

Yeah, he is.
Then there is the fake laugh, somewhere between an asthamtic hoover and a creaking gate. When he was a kid, if he had not cleaned something properly, his dad would leave a note and tell him to do it again, without instructions of what was wrong and how to correct.
I do hate the fucker. Has that come as a suprise to anyone?

This is Man Chat. My brother and Dad do it. If they didn't, they would have absolutely nothing to talk about, except football.

Mr Palooza does it with his Dad, but luckily most of it is in Afrikaans so I don't have to listen to it.

Oh. Perhaps not simple Man Chat then. Apologies for jumping the gun a bit.

Sounds like typical behaviour to adopt towards a controlling and approval-whithholding parent to me.

Your poor DH.

Is he a people-pleaser generally?

That would do my head in, seriously. I had enough of "dating" little boys when I was a little girl.

Yeah, in the extreme. Mother was an alcoholic too. Double whammy. But then he goes all passive aggresive, but won't stop overdoing things. He made dinner sunday for my lot and just put too much food on the table, he always does it no matter how much I try to curb his urge to feed teh 5,000. His dad and mum seperated and i can see how he drove her to drink. Seriously. Mr. Lola is not one for therapy or what have you but keeps flinging himself on his dad;s approval and then seems to enjoy being told he is shit. WTF

and then seems to enjoy being told he is shit. WTF

It confirms his internalised belief; puts him in his "comfort zone" (ie. what he is used to)

Hopefully some day even his limit of tolerance will be reached, and he will seek to change his beliefs/exact more respectful behaviour. But until then, I don't know what you can do. This is his internal battle.

Difficult to witness. He knows my feelings on the subject and I don't want to be another voice of criticism, but I wish he knew how fantastic he really is and not buy into his dads horridness. If wishes were horses and all that

Have you read "Toxic In-laws"? Could help you with your frustration.

I shall amazon it now HDLIG. Need a bit of direction

Assuming the call is now finished, lola, how is your DH doing? Hope the call wasn't too painful.

It ends with a sort of apologetic half grin from him. I ask him how his dad is and and he says "OK". He will not offer anything more.