I can't sort this out on my Own.

[FeckArse]

I have been with my DH for 27 years. I always remember our first night together. It was magical. Then the next fortnight; equally magical.
And then sex just stopped.
All he did was sleep. No sexual desire (for me) whatsoever.
He explained it by saying that he was getting back in condition. He was cycling 60 miles every morning against injury.

I am not drip feeding. I am just trying to assimilate everything and give a Time Line and sort everything in my head accurately.

I assume you have had sex since then???

Are you saying that you haven't had sex with your husband since the first 2 weeks of a 27 yr relationship ?

I'm slightly confused. You need to make your post clearer.

It's not really a timeline if it stops in 1985.

are you ok, feckarse ?

where have you disappeared to ?

Sorry was just trying to do the DIY left over from the Bank Holiday. Needed to do the last coat on a door and undercoat on a radiator.
My life is very rock and roll.

I've had sex once every three months for the last 27 years really; apart from years 9/10/11 when there was no sex. I was pregnant/breast feeding.
I asked him to go to the GP. He went and he has very low testosterone. He has been prescribed gel and he wont take it.

I'm now going to go off again and tell him that I'm going to leave.

Bloody hell, Feckarse, come back here !

I haven't done it. I cleaned the bathroom instead. I'm fed up of it all.
He doesn't exercise so much nowadays. About 30 miles every 3/4 days.

He was asleep on the sofa and then jumped up when I came down and went to lock up.
I just blurted it out. If you don't take the testosterone I'm leaving. He said "fine" and carried on up the stairs.
I need to go up and have it out. It's just about impossible. He doesn't respond and I know how it will end. Neither here or there. I am so frustrated. Not just the sex side, but living with a man that doesn't have a set of balls. That sounds cruel. And it is. But that's how it is. It's like kicking a puppy. He's a lovely man.
I'm going up and I'm going to reinforce the ultimatum. I won't leave the thread hanging; but I'm going up to bed now. Thanks.

Well, you've told him how you feel, and he's ignored you for years. He either wants a woman to cook and clean for him because he isn't interested in having sex, or he wants a wife in order to indicate to the wider world that he isn't gay.
It's fine to end the relationship over this. Honestly, it is. Ignore anyone who implies that you are some kind of depraved slut for wanting to have a sex life: the key issue is that this man doesn't care that you are miserable as long as his life is comfortable.

Why won't he take the testosterone ? I don't understand. If he had an underactive thyroid, he would take the thyroxine, surely ? If he was a diabetic, he would take the insulin. Is he so wrapped up in his macho penis-pride he wouldn't supplement what his body cannot manufacture. That is ridiculous.

When it became clear my ovaries were fucked, I took the medicine.

it worked

it's what you do

I didn't have some silly female melt-down about it

men have no excuse for this stuff, really they do not

why is it different for them ?

answer: it isn't

After 27 years maybe sex 4 times a year isn't so bad? In the tortoise and hare race your DH would be the tortoise winner. I've been with my DH 20 years. Used to have plenty of sex but I lost interest 4 years ago and my DH isn't remotely bothered. So unfortunately that tells you alot about our relationship.

FWT, if that works for both of you, that is fine

but it's not working for feckarse

AnyFucker No its not working for me. But I'm as much to blame for our mess as my DH is.

Obviously I don't know the full detail, but on the face of it, I would rather be in Feckarse's situation. ie sex once in a blue moon.

oh sorry, FWT, your post seemed to suggest you lost interest and your DH isn't bothered

that does work for some people, it's a silly societal expectation that all couples are shagging like bunnies every day of the week

if it's not working for you, that is crap

It's been a very painful few days. I asked him to save our marriage and take time off work. He did. We've talked a lot and neither of us want to loose what we've got.
My DH has a heart condition and in addition a severe allergy reaction. He wears a medic alert bracelet as a consequence ( for 9 years).
He has "died" and been hospitalised 3 times in our relationship due to the heart condition.
He is concerned re the testosterone gel; because he believes it wasn't "joined up thinking" re his heart condition and his allergy; it was just a "routine"/ get rid of him prescription. It listed the side effects. It is contra indicated for his specific condition.
I concur. But he didn't share this with me. He didn't talk.
We have now talked at length. We need to find a solution as a couple.
We also need to do a lot of medical research, and we're doing it together.
We haven't talked for ages. We've both been so busy with work; and then our child.
When push comes to shove; I love Him and I believe my marriage vows "In sickness and in health". So does he.
I don't have "normal" sex and neither does he. We're both deprived.
I want more and I've always wanted more. He agrees that he has been sexually negligent and said "I'm surprised that you didn't take a lover; if you did, I wouldn't blame you; but it would have made me feel even more shit"
I didn't take a lover because I love my husband dearly.
So we're battling through together at the moment; and trying to find a solution that makes us both happy.